nothing like some bad 80s videos to cheer me up

last night i was still a little stressed about the accident, so dave put the boys to bed while i drowned my sorrows in bad tv and ben & jerry's mint chocolate cookie. what better way to forget all my troubles?? i needed a serious distraction to block out the image of poor natey's head being violently whipped around when we collided with the other car -- can you imagine a shittier way to be woken up from a deep sleep?? just thinking about it now is making me hyperventilate, because i can't even imagine what it would've been like if the accident had been more serious. yes, this is what i will be thinking about ALL DAY. fuck, i am thanking my lucky stars over this one. *whew* but back to the tv!

for the most part, i stopped watching music videos after high school. i loved watching 120 minutes on MTV -- i wonder if that's still on in some form? -- but i never got into spending hours watching videos. there were way too many lame ones! hilarious, but lame. and now, thanks to VH1, i can revisit these horrible videos of my teen years! dave was flipping channels and stumbled upon some show, probably one of many, dedicated to 80s videos. perfect! what better way to distract myself AND make fun of people? for those of you who may have never watched tv with me -- heh, i guess that would be ALL of you -- i am a tv-talker. i know it's annoying, but i truly think it's genetic. my parents do it, but they tend to talk to the tv -- they probably think it's better than having to talk to each other! but my sister! oh god, if you ever have the opportunity to watch tv with my sister, RUN FOR THE HILLS -- she is way worse off than me. my commentary is more along the lines of mystery science theater 3000, but she gets really worked up, like it's personal and shit. she will talk to the people on the tv, as well as about what the people are doing, what they're wearing or their hairstyle and what is probably going to happen next. i find it hilarious, and tend to jump in when we're together, but poor dave? he has only witnessed this a few times, but is convinced WE ARE INSANE. heh. oh, but i'm off topic here. we were talking about videos. 80s videos are perfect my kind of tv-talking -- they scream for someone to make fun of them! dave and i gasped and laughed and had a good old time killing an hour watching and ridiculing them last night. let's explore some of these video gems from the past, shall we?

information society - what's on your mind

i've got one word for you: TRAINWRECK. that is one word, right? now that i read that they're from fucking minneapolis, they are all the more pathetic in my eyes. the singer, with his over-processed hair of varying lengths and colors and ill-fitting suit, comes across as a totally pompous ass with an affected british accent who takes himself WAY too seriously. sure, his spastic dancing is mildly entertaining, but his bandmates seem to have been under the impression that this was going to be a fun-loving, wacky kind of video! you know, very typical of the 80s, with fluorescent props (huge cutout guitars and drums) and lots of gel and a drummer wearing sunglasses (i think they may have even been the flip-up kind) and one of those stupid porkpie hats that everyone thought were so cool. they're running around mugging for the camera and being goofy, while mr. pompous stares stoically into the camera and sings like this pathetic song is at all worthy of anyone's time. *gag*

billy ocean - get outta my dreams, get into my car

okay, not quite as pathetic, save for the inclusion of some really poor animation mixed in with the live-action stuff. god, i love cheesiness, and this is pretty damn cheesy. heh. wasn't crappy animation in a lot of videos back then? like it was so cool and wacky to have an animated duck wearing sunglasses (probably the flip-up kind!) running alongside billy's convertible while he's singing to the gorgeous girl he just picked up at the carwash?? lucky thing she had a strapless, bubble-skirted dress on under those coveralls!

the communards - don't leave me this way

seeing this video made me clap my hands in glee! i used to love love LOVE this song. this version of this song, that is. i never got too into bronski beat, but i love jimmy somerville. *sniff* little jimmy somerville with his huge, misshapen head and voice of an angel! the communard's self-titled album is very good, but i'm partial to the singles collection 1984-1990. anyway, nothing too cliched about this video, though it is set in some type of oppressive place (gee, could it be russia??) where music must be "approved". but the poor communards have been rejected, so they stage a secret show in some abandoned industrial-looking place where a spy infiltrates the show and everyone runs off when the spotlights and sirens go off! thankfully, they're able to get through the song! heh.

bruce springsteen & the E street band - glory days

typical bruce fare -- blue collar guy reminsicing about his younger days playing baseball. meh. but the show in the neighborhood bar??? holy shit, i don't think i've ever seen such a group of ragtag-looking misfits on one stage in my life! first, little steven van zandt looks like some fucked up gypsy vampire! seriously, the dude's got fangs. then there's nils lofgren who, unshaven and unkempt, wearing all black and a beret, just looks dirty. ick. the bassplayer was some non-descript white guy, but he sure was having a ball up there! and what's the drummer's name? max something-or-other? whenever i see him, even with his tinted glasses and hawaiian shirt that i'm sure he thinks look cool, all i can think is "dentist". and we round out the bunch with the chick that broke up poor bruce's marriage and clarence clemons playing the tambourine like they're lives depended on it. come on now, nobody gets *that* into playing the fucking tambourine!

billy joel - uptown girl

the first obviously disturbing thing about this video is the idea that christie brinkley was really interested in bug-eyed, troll-like billy joel! yikes. secondly, why didn't anyone find it offensive to have 2 token black kids poppin' and lockin' along with the most white bread of songs?? wasn't that a bizarre trend in 80s videos? another funny thing i noticed was that i recognized some of the dancing dudes from other videos. there must have been a shortage in male dancers or something back then. i'm thinking they had to round them ALL up for michael jackson videos like "Bad" and "Thriller" -- it was probably like a reunion every time a new video got shot!

WHAM! - wake me up before you go-go

the only thing i could think while watching this was, "how did people NOT know that george michael was GAY?" he even got by my gaydar, which is not easy. some gay friends of mine still marvel over how i knew that someone was gay back in high school, even before they did! but maybe people were too taken with the dayglo accessories, ultra-white teeth, tanned face and sun-streaked hair to care. yeah, that was probably it. plus, he hadn't been caught picking up guys in public restrooms yet.

yes it is true, I Love the 80s!