top 5 reasons this day has SUCKED OUT LOUD

1. i found my first shock white hair. just imagining how hideously washed-out i would look with all white hair is depressing.

2. i got soaked running home in the cold rain while pushing a goddamn stroller! FUCK YOU, weatherchannel.com unreliable forecasting motherfuckers!

3. i have a really nasty headache that started as soon as we stepped in the door from running home in the goddamn rain. it's at the base of my skull and is really annoying.

4. as i bent over to pick up natey so he wouldn't crawl into the bathroom FOR THE 40TH FUCKING TIME today, i gouged my eye with my own finger, which has resulted in a blood-red starburst-like blob on the white of my eye. it's actually kind of cool, but feels odd.

5. i found out the hard way that it is less than ideal to have a napping infant in the car when you have an accident. holy shit, as if being shaken up by the fact that you've JUST HAD AN ACCIDENT wasn't enough, a wailing baby jolted out of a deep sleep because you HAD to have french fries and a hot fudge sundae because you were convinced that it would make your headache go away and you were trying to kill time so he would sleep because his napping SUCKS ASS lately and you didn't see that damn car barreling through the parking lot in the pouring rain so you smacked right into her will certainly get your heart racing and FREAK YOU THE FUCK OUT.

UGH.