i'm beginning to think that maybe i'm not cut out for this shit?
this morning in the car, jack recounted a playground story about his friends pulling his jacket and laughing and being made to lie down on the ground while one of them was sitting on his back. as he told it he didn't seem particularly upset about it, and mostly let on that he thought it was funny, too, but then he mentions something like, "but i didn't want to do it. they made me do it."
STOP. as i am in a particularly sensitive mood this particular week of the month, i decided i couldn't let that go.
"what do you mean they 'made' you?"
"well, at first, i didn't want to do it, but then i did. and we were laughing."
"were they hurting you? did they force you to do something? if someone tries to make you do something you don't want to do, you say, 'NO, i don't want to do that.' "
"no. i just didn't want to do it, but then i did."
"jack, are you sure? just because someone else wants you to do something, it's okay to say no. and if you don't think what they're doing is funny, you tell them to stop it."
*SILENCE*
"mommy?"
"yes, jack?"
"nothing."
"what is it?"
"nothing."
"is it about your friends?"
"no."
"is it about school?"
"no. nothing."
"jack, what were you going to say? you can tell me."
"nothing."
"just tell me what you were going to say. it's okay."
"nothing."
"jack..."
"NOTHING!"
whoa. i thought that kind of shit didn't go down for at least another 6 or 7 years! but see, i ruined it. i overreacted and got all third degree on his ass. he was sharing something with me, but i had to overanalyze what he was saying and turn it into something, when it's probably nothing. but i can't help it! i want to protect him -- from bullies and assholes and mean people and dangerous situations, and i know it's impossible. it sucks, really. SIGH. and the thing is, i don't know if i'll ever be able to chill out when it comes to these boys. i don't want to be like my parents and not know what the fuck my kids are doing (in my case, it was drinking and drugs and staying out all night and all the shit you don't want your kids to do). how do i balance caring and wanting to be involved, with just being there when they need me? god, that is so against my nature. but i fear i will just end up pushing them away by sticking my nose into their business. UGH. i guess i've got a few years to figure something out.
posted by debbie at 9:17 AM
5 Comments:
dude, i am SO going to be doing the exact same thing a few years down the road. i don't think there is any way i'll be able to stop myself.
so uhh no words of advice here, just lots of head-nodding and sympathy.
10:43 AM
Whatever you're doing, you're paying attention. And that's good.
you are, too, cut out for this shit. I just think it's incredibly hard.
... Maybe I just won't let Owen have any friends! problem solved!
12:12 PM
That is like the epitome of what I fear with Dash. He's the kind of three year old who holds his arm out for the bully to bite then just moves on. Doesn't even tattle - just takes his abuse and then goes and does something else. This TERRIFIES me so much, I've started to wonder if I need to teach him to defend himself.
But dude. You were there, he felt comfortable enough to bring it up in the first place, and now he knows that no matter what the circumstance, you will want to hear about it, and he can trust you to listen. That is a HUGE deal. You're cut out for it. Like MB said, it's just really fucking hard.
God please remind me I was this confident about this kind of thing the first time my kid comes home with a black eye.
12:19 PM
I think every mom would have done the same thing especially the first time a situation like this has come up. He now knows even more how much you care and want to look out for him...he'll open up again. It's tough when you want to kick every little kids ass for your kids. I'm gonna be the mom walking behind Julian with a baseball bat.
10:52 AM
no sweat my friend. everyone would have done the same thing. stop sweating yourself so much!
=)
6:45 PM
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