it beats the hell out of doing laundry

Thursday, June 30, 2005

top 5 things to hate about ireland

solely based on my own personal experience, of course:

1. scary, scary drunk people. really, the creepiest, most completely shitfaced drunks i've ever encountered -- the kind of drunks that make you want to cross the street before you have to see them face-to-face.

2. pigeons aka rats with wings. in dublin they are everywhere, and they're the type that walk right up to you and want to know what the hell you're eating. ICK.

3. in summertime the sun doesn't go down until after 10pm. okay, i know that this would be seen as a good thing for you social, let's-hit-the-bars-and-clubs people, but for beaten down mother of two? it SUCKED. my sleep was already thrown off by the time difference, so 20 hours of daylight didn't help!

4. slugs in salads. okay, it was just one slug in my salad, but it rates a mention! it was a shame, too, because it was a really yummy salad with roast salmon and potatoes on a lovely bed of greens. yeah, a lovely bed FOR A SLUG. we were dining in the cafe at the guinness storehouse, and even though the manager was appropriately horrified and apologetic, no amount of guinness offered could get rid of the blarghy feeling in my gut. did i mention that the slug was ALIVE? slithering around under the salmon, quite contentedly.

5. stupid birds. again, it was just one bird that i encountered, but it was stupid! mentally defective! SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH IT. as we left the connemara national park, i pulled onto the lovely wooded, curvy road and saw a bird on the road pecking at something. i got closer and he looked at me, but didn't move. i was sure he was going to move, so i kept going. come on, of course he's going to move! birds here in the states play that chicken shit all the time! i think they dig the adrenalin rush of waiting till the last possible second before they swoop out of the way. but birds in the irish countryside? they're obviously STUPID. so i kept going, and even as the bird disappeared under the bumper i was sure he had moved out of the way. he did move, right?? wrong. dave turned around to check the view from the back and declared the bird a definite goner. WHAT THE FUCK? this was a road with very little traffic, so i don't think the bird was used to having cars in his face all the time and desensitized, you know?? no, i've come to the conclusion that he had a death wish, and i just happened to be his convenient way out. little bastard! it was really quite upsetting at the time.

i was trying to make this a "top 10" list, but i realize that there isn't enough bad shit to put on the list! i'll do a "top 5 things to love about ireland" soon. actually, it'll probably be a "top 10" list. yeah, lots o' good stuff. huh. it already feels like the trip was ages ago!


Blogger Alex said...

hey! There are scary drunks here, too, mostly stumbling out of bars in rough parts of Baltimore, New York, and Boston. Wait, come to think of it, those are the Irish-American parts...

7:58 AM

Blogger Jim Naka said...

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5:48 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Many of our modern drugs have harsh side-affects and cost the “earth”, so the next time you come down with a cold or the flu or stress busters, why not try a gentle alternative that costs next to nothing?

Instead of immediately forking over large amounts of money for over-the-counter drugs, go to the kitchen cupboard and see what you can find to relieve your symptoms including stress busters.

Here are some helpful hints for stress busters …

A simple hot compress applied to the face is very soothing to those throbbing aches and pains of a blocked sinus, while a few drops of eucalyptus oil on a handkerchief can provide welcome relief for similar conditions. While supplements of vitamin C, D and zinc will shorten the lifespan of a common cold, a hot lemon drink is also extremely good. And be sure to cuddle-up in bed when you have a cold, as it will make the body sweat out the germs.

Cool lemon juice and honey are a great soother for a sore throat and gives the body much-needed vitamin C at the same time The juice of one lemon in a glass of water is sufficient. Melt the honey in a little hot water for ease of mixing.

A smear of Vaseline or petroleum jelly will do wonders for those sore lips and nose that often accompany a cold.

A 'streaming cold' where the nose and eyes water profusely, can respond to drinking onion water. Simply dip a slice of onion into a glass of hot water for two seconds, then sip the cooled water throughout the day. Half an onion on the bedside table also alleviates cold symptoms because its odor is inhaled while you sleep.

People prone to catarrh may find that chewing the buds from a pine or larch throughout the day will clear up their condition in just a few days.

Do you suffer from sore eyes? If your eyes are sore from lengthy exposure to the sun, try beating the white of an egg and then spread it over a cloth and bandage the eyes with it. Leave the preparation on overnight. Soft cheese (quark) is also a good remedy for this condition.

For those unpleasant times when you suffer from diarrhea, two tablespoons of brown vinegar will usually fix the problem. Vinegar can be rather horrible to take, but who cares! The problem is more horrible. Vinegar can usually be found in most people's cupboards, so you don't need to worry about finding someone to run to the shop for you in an emergency.

Sleepless? Instead of reaching for sleeping pills, which can quickly become addictive, try this: Drink only caffeine free tea or coffee starting late in the afternoon.. Go to bed earlier rather than later, as being overtired tends to keep people awake. Make sure the bedroom is dark and quiet. Use only pure wool or cotton sheets and blankets. Polyester materials can cause sweat and make you thirsty (if your child constantly asks for water throughout the night, this could be the reason).

And don't watch those scary movies just before retiring! If you still can't sleep, make a tea of lemongrass or drink a nightcap of herbal tea containing chamomile. It's easy to grow lemongrass in your garden or start a flower pot on the balcony for ease of picking. Simply steep a handful in boiling water for five minutes. Honey may be added for a sweetener.

Of course there will be times when you do need modern drugs, so if these simple remedies don't have the required affect, be sure to see a health care professional.

stress busters

12:41 PM


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