it beats the hell out of doing laundry

Friday, January 06, 2006

you say it's your birthday...

so yeah. wow. 36. years old. 36 years old. it just doesn't seem possible, you know? i'm way too immature to be 36! but i guess it all adds up: twice married, two kids, homeowner. huh. 36 it is, then!

whenever my birthday rolls around, i try really hard not to get all reflective and shit because, honestly, i don't feel like i've done much in these 36 years. let me clarify: i haven't done much that matters. sure, i've got two fabulous kids and a wonderful husband, but other than that there's not much to say. i'm no career woman -- i decided long ago that contrary to how ambitious and career-driven capricorns are supposed to be, i just don't care about being successful in the workplace. sure, i like money, and a sense of accomplishment, but those things don't drive me, you know? about 10 years ago i finally realized that what is most important to me are my relationships with people, and that there isn't anything wrong with that. at the time i was in an awful relationship with my ex-husband, and made the decision to pour my energy into building stronger connections with people that i care about (and that care about me), rather than stress about some job that didn't really matter to me at the end of the day. it was the best decision i ever made. now it's not that i don't enjoy working, necessarily -- i actually quite enjoy my chosen profession of opticianry, and working on 60 bugs has made me realize just how much i love working with my hands and making things -- but i think it's the working for someone other than myself that is the problem. oh, and the working on a strict schedule and all that other shit. my heart's just not in it. could it be that i'm just really fucking lazy? maybe. heh. no, i actually do like feeling useful (why do i feel like thomas the tank engine when i say that??) and having something to show for my time and effort. this is why 60 bugs is brilliant -- hopefully it will be all i know it can be. if it is, then maybe i'll finally feel like i have done something all on my own that matters, plus make good friends along the way. bonus!

here's to figuring out what i want to do with my life at 36! whee!


Blogger ALVenable said...

Happy birthday! See you tomorrow. :)

2:57 PM

Anonymous jess said...

happy birthday debbie... we are the same age and i feel the same way about time and accomplishments. It's a weird life.

6:55 PM

Blogger sweetney said...

super happy birfday, lady! i didn't know it was today and not tomorrow! anyway, looking forward to the big blowout tomorrow! xo

8:08 PM

Anonymous Editrix said...

Happy birthday, Miss Foxy! Hope the cakey goodness continues all weekend and beyond. . . .

11:30 AM


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