my husband is an awesome husband!

am i going to hell for poking fun at a time life classic song for worship? couldn't having the annoying commercial running through my head all day be penance?? heh.

dave has been especially good to me this past week. it has been a week of pmdd (self-diagnosed and unmedicated) and pollen-related allergy symptoms, including itchy eyes, itchy throat and irritated sinuses. oh, and can't forget bitchy baby with 20 TEETH COMING IN AT THE SAME TIME. ugh. nothing that needed to be done this week got done. no grocery shopping, no housecleaning. we have eaten dinner out every night this week because i just cannot deal with having to make something. that would involve grocery shopping! and some kind of initiative, which i just don't have. but dave has not complained. he's let me collapse on the couch every night to numb my brain with TV while he puts the boys to bed. he's done the dishes and taken out the trash and picked up toys. how did i deserve this wonderful man? the way i've been this week, i can't really say i do.

i think i may need to seek professional help with this premenstrual thing. it really kicks my ass and, unfortunately, the ass of everyone around me because my ire is inescapable. no matter what you do, you will irritate me. i will snap at you. i know that i'm being ridiculous, but i CANNOT stop myself. it bothers me that i may have some emotional (albeit hormonal) disturbance that requires medication, but i can't deny that i exhibit most of the symptoms associated with pmdd. i've dealt with pms and depression before, but have never sought professional help. i always seemed to get through it on my own. but not being able to stop myself from screaming at my 4 year old for something benign (i'm ashamed to admit i can't remember what, and it's happened more than a few times this past week) really scares me. not to mention the fact that i am totally useless when i'm like this -- it's like i've forgotten how to function. if it weren't for jack and natey's needs, i most certainly would've spent all week in my pajamas (unshowered) on the couch eating cookie dough or something and getting incredibly pissed off at not being able to find the remote! ugh, even typing that makes me feel gross. maybe this is just the kick-in-the-pants i need to do something about it.

i don't always show my awesome husband how much i appreciate all he does for me -- for all of us. i'm sorry, dave -- i'm going to do better at that. thank you for being so understanding. and awesome! i love you.