they say the first step is admitting you have a problem

a couple of months ago, after trying on some new clothes, i decided that i was okay with my weight. now this is a big deal for me, considering i've been weight/shape-obsessed since middle school. not enough to exercise (shudder) or eat right or anything crazy like that (heh), but enough to obsess about what clothes flatter my figure, etc. after two pregnancies, i have a bit of a gut -- i call it mommy gut -- and i know that i will never do the crunches or eliminate the fatty foods from my diet that it will take for it to go away. fine. no, really! it's cool. i really had come to terms with it. i mean, i'm back into single-digit sizes, so what more do i really want? okay, a flat stomach would be really nice, but i know better than to fantasize about such things. anyway, i decided to work with what i've got, which ain't half bad, right? well, along the way i decided that i would no longer deprive myself of those things i enjoyed eating and drinking, because maintaining my current weight was completely different than trying to not gain weight, right? WRONG, MORON. with the stress of starting a new business and various other things, i've gone completely overboard. to clue you into how delusional i am about what i can consume without gaining weight, a list of things i recently reintroduced to my diet in large amounts:

• coke... regular coke... with real sugar!
• cadbury cream eggs... to be honest, i prefer to lick out the cream filling and leave the chocolate shell. gross, i know. but at least easter is over so i can't really eat them anymore!
• java chip frappucinos... i crave one every fucking day. seriously, 3:00 hits and i feel like i'm going through withdrawal. yes, i know they have, like, 2000 calories in them.
• barbecue chips dipped in sour cream... a friend in high school introduced me to this culinary masterpiece. it sounds disgusting, but is oh so tasty.

those are just the things off the top of my head. basically, i have been eating all the things i usually deny myself because they are fattening or disgusting. or both. but now i'm feeling a little gross and flabby. the mommy gut is pooching out a little too much. the cute spring clothes i bought aren't looking so cute anymore! HELP.