it beats the hell out of doing laundry

Thursday, June 30, 2005

top 5 things to hate about ireland

solely based on my own personal experience, of course:

1. scary, scary drunk people. really, the creepiest, most completely shitfaced drunks i've ever encountered -- the kind of drunks that make you want to cross the street before you have to see them face-to-face.

2. pigeons aka rats with wings. in dublin they are everywhere, and they're the type that walk right up to you and want to know what the hell you're eating. ICK.

3. in summertime the sun doesn't go down until after 10pm. okay, i know that this would be seen as a good thing for you social, let's-hit-the-bars-and-clubs people, but for beaten down mother of two? it SUCKED. my sleep was already thrown off by the time difference, so 20 hours of daylight didn't help!

4. slugs in salads. okay, it was just one slug in my salad, but it rates a mention! it was a shame, too, because it was a really yummy salad with roast salmon and potatoes on a lovely bed of greens. yeah, a lovely bed FOR A SLUG. we were dining in the cafe at the guinness storehouse, and even though the manager was appropriately horrified and apologetic, no amount of guinness offered could get rid of the blarghy feeling in my gut. did i mention that the slug was ALIVE? slithering around under the salmon, quite contentedly.

5. stupid birds. again, it was just one bird that i encountered, but it was stupid! mentally defective! SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH IT. as we left the connemara national park, i pulled onto the lovely wooded, curvy road and saw a bird on the road pecking at something. i got closer and he looked at me, but didn't move. i was sure he was going to move, so i kept going. come on, of course he's going to move! birds here in the states play that chicken shit all the time! i think they dig the adrenalin rush of waiting till the last possible second before they swoop out of the way. but birds in the irish countryside? they're obviously STUPID. so i kept going, and even as the bird disappeared under the bumper i was sure he had moved out of the way. he did move, right?? wrong. dave turned around to check the view from the back and declared the bird a definite goner. WHAT THE FUCK? this was a road with very little traffic, so i don't think the bird was used to having cars in his face all the time and desensitized, you know?? no, i've come to the conclusion that he had a death wish, and i just happened to be his convenient way out. little bastard! it was really quite upsetting at the time.

i was trying to make this a "top 10" list, but i realize that there isn't enough bad shit to put on the list! i'll do a "top 5 things to love about ireland" soon. actually, it'll probably be a "top 10" list. yeah, lots o' good stuff. huh. it already feels like the trip was ages ago!

and so it begins

the obsessive attempt to get natey walking and talking. have i heard from the county, you ask? NO. bastard people. so, even though i know we have at least two stupid pushtoy/walker thingies from when jack was a baby buried somewhere in the rubble of our chaotic basement, the prospect of excavating them is not at all attractive to me. surprise, eh? heh. and being the proactive type, the only logical thing for me to do was to go out and spend money. oh, not on me, on a new pushtoy/walker thingie. and it converts to a ride-on toy! whee! those playskool people really know how to work it.

natey totally digs the pushing and stumbling and riding -- who wouldn't? see, i knew that he was ready to walk, he just needed the proper tools. and now i get to feel guilty for not being ready with the pushtoy/walker thingie sooner. ugh. the thing is, he's been a lot like jack with the walking. anytime i'd try to hold jack's hands and get him to walk, he'd go into civil disobedience mode. kid! i'm just trying to help you walk, not kill lab rats! so yeah, i just let him be after many fruitless attempts, and lo and behold! one day he just stood up and walked across the the room. once natey started showing the same don't try to make me walk or i'll cut you behavior, i figured he was on the same path. silly mommy.

the talking thing is going to take a lot more work. he's not so into the "repeat after me" shit, so i'm trying to test his comprehension now. stuff like "where's jack?" or "where's your cup?" if he looks in the right general direction, i'm happy. i'm trying to not get too crazy and research all the bullshit "what your 15-month old should be doing now" stuff, because i know it will not be good. i know, i know, all kids are different and learn at different speeds. you know that's not going to make me feel better! bah. but it's cool -- i don't feel as freaked out and pessimistic as i did the other day. it's a start.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

now playing

ted leo - me and mia

i [heart] this song (click the shake the sheets cover and you can have a listen -- i'm too inept to figure out how to link directly to it). it will now forever remind me of driving on the left side of a curvy road in the irish countryside in a ridiculously tiny car with unbelievably awesome scenery everywhere.

i'm so bummed we missed the pancake mountain dance party! it's actually probably a good thing since i've kind of got a *thing* for him. heh. what?? he's cute, in a geeky sort of way! and he's really awesome live. yeah jack, go dance closer to the man singing...heh. maybe next time.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

well, i'm obviously being punished

what other explanation could there be for this trying day? i'm feeling quite dejected as a result of learning two things: 1) our pediatrician wants nate tested for his delays in speech and gross motor skills, and 2) no one wanted to play with jack at camp today. and the worst part of it? i felt pretty damn good when i woke up today -- refreshed, energized, all the good stuff you should feel after a long vacation. fuck me.

nate had his 15-month check-up today. he's in the 60th percentile for height, but only the 10th percentile for weight. no big deal. he's not walking and he's not talking. BIG DEAL. of course, dr. feldman feels that it's probably nothing, he's just a late-bloomer, but feels its best to have him tested. and now everything nate does looks off to me. SIGH. i know that he's understanding what we're saying, he's just not responding with words. but he doesn't call us "mama" or "dada" or really say anything intelligible. and now i feel like i've been horribly negligent, though i don't really know what more i can do! i talk to him all day long, i call things by their proper names, but something's just not clicking. OR he's really a late-bloomer, but how can i possibly accept that as an explanation? at this stage of the game i'm always going to expect the worst, which is fucked up and pessimistic, but what can i say? i'm prone to hysteria when it comes to my kids and their well-being. SIGH.

so the walking thing i'm not so worried about. jack didn't walk until he was 15-months old, and he's just fine. nate pulls himself up, cruises around, climbs everything in sight, feeds himself, etc etc. he's just not so into the walking yet. it'll happen soon, i'm sure. i hope.

the county has this infant and toddlers program that requires pediatricians refer patients that they feel are developmentally delayed to be evaluated. you call them, they come to the house, make their assessment and either go on their merry way if they feel things are A-OK or talk therapy options. they obviously get a ton of calls, or so it would seem from the answering machine message asking for info and warning you that it could be several days before you hear back from them. dr. feldman said it could even be weeks before someone can come out to evaluate nate. GREAT. so now i get to neurotically watch nate's every move until they have time to call me back and schedule a visit for god knows when. PERFECT.

the jack thing is probably no big deal, but i always worry about him in social situations. he's not the kind of kid that just jumps into the action or leads play. he's more a follower, which bothers me, but i realize there's nothing i can really do about it, and that there's nothing really wrong with it. everyone can't be a leader, right? anyway, i guess starting summer camp with all new kids is an adjustment that can take a while to get used to. i think he just needs time to get to know the kids, and he doesn't really even seem bothered by not having anyone to play with today, so why does it make me feel like shit? because i know what it feels like to be left out, i suppose. granted, my memories of those kinds of feelings came much later in life, but it's that fierce, protective maternal instinct that kicks in at times like these. all i can think is that i want him to have friends and be happy and feel included. SIGH. i just need to chill out -- he senses that him telling me about today concerns me, and i need to not make a big deal about it. it just wasn't what i needed to hear after the developmental delay talk, you know?

so yeah, not such a great day. i was hoping to recap the trip, but that will have to wait. but you can see photos here! *grumble grumble* yeah, the trip that i am being punished for as we speak! no, i kid. it was a wonderful trip and the kids did really well. nate would still not be walking or talking and jack would still have no friends at camp if we had stayed home. i just need to repeat that a few dozen times so i believe it.

Monday, June 27, 2005

back in black

heh. i dunno. it sounded good in my head. we're back from ireland and i'm TIRED. more later.

tom cruise is a fucking idiot

or, as the irish would say, eedjit.

i always knew i was right to hate him all these years! i do feel sorry for the poor katie girl, though. she's gotta be a moron.

Monday, June 20, 2005

top o'the morning to ya!

heh. i couldn't resist. we're in jolly old dublin right now and this keyboard is fucking me up with keys in different places! the weather is lovely so far and i've only called home to check on the boys 4 times in 2 days! not bad!

wish i could post pictures but that will have to wait until we get back. heading to galway tomorrow for a coupla days and hope to check out some countryside views. i can't believe we have 5 more days! this is the longest vacation i've FOREVER.

oh, and today is david's 38th birthday! whee! be sure to say happy birthday the next time you see him. i'm outie.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

call me pathetic, call me what you will

damn, i can't get that out of my head! worse, i can't even remember what song it comes from. so in exactly 48 hours dave and i will be on a plane headed for chicago to hang with our friend scott for the day then back on another plane headed for dublin. i should be totally psyched for this first trip away from kids, right?? 9 WHOLE DAYS. i should totally be planning the late nights and late mornings and how i'm going to enjoy no diaper changes and no crying or whining and long showers and eating a whole meal uninterrupted! i should be doing these things, but instead i'm wracked with anxiety. i'm actually starting to feel kind of numb. there are still 6 million things to be done before chris and dave's mom get here tomorrow, but i feel paralyzed. in my head i know that everything is going to be fine. of course everything's going to be fine -- chris is going to be here, dave's mom is going to be here for a few days, my mom's just a phone call away if they need help, our friends are pitching in....yet i still feel anxious. FUCK.

i swear nate knows something is up -- he has been unbelievably clingy with separation anxiety the past few days. yesterday my mom was over to play with him and jack while i tried to get through my mile-long list of shit, and he would freak out if i even moved towards the door. my mom would distract him with something and he'd be fine for a few minutes, but as soon as he looked around and saw that i wasn't in the room, or he could hear my voice in another part of the house, he'd wail --big, chest-heaving sobs with fat tears rolling down his chubby cheeks. once i held him he was fine. FUCK.

so this is where i get all fucking crazy with guilt and anxiety, not only over leaving him with virtual strangers for 9 days (since they're from out-of-town he's spent limited time with them, and unfortunately the earliest they could get here was the afternoon before we leave the next morning, and i'm worried that's not enough time for him to get acclimated to them), but now i'm thinking about what possible consequences there could be to this whole thing. what if we come back and he's different?? like, sullen and withdrawn and not the happy, fun-loving baby we know him to be??? what if our abandoning (i can't think of a better word, and since i'm feeling like a shitty mother right now, it works) him makes him distrustful of us? what if his awesome sleeping habits become fucked up?? what IF??? FUCK.

i know, i know, i'm being ridiculous and hysterical. but he's my baby! and we've never been apart! he spends all his time with me! thank god jack will be here and they'll be at home in their own beds with their own toys. jack is going to be fine -- i actually think he's looking forward to it. he's at that great age when everything seems like an adventure. *sniff* my big boy! god i'm going to miss them. FUCK.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

how to make a mother weep

someone please cut my mullet-like hair -- it's OUT OF CONTROL.

look insanely fucking adorable with your new haircut, which you sat still for incredibly well after we let you play with your father's newest toy, the palm treo 650. you boys and your gadgets!

yes mom, i know that my haircut makes me look like a big boy. stop crying already.

what? my hair is adorable? i know.

damn it's hot, but my hair sure looks cute!

it was a sticky, sweaty romp

but loads of fun! check the photos at the RnR::DC blog!

oh, and carol bui, gist and laura burhenn are AWESOME.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

now playing

nethers - o the deed

wow. this song knocks my socks off. these kids played Rock-n-Romp a couple years ago as the carlsonics, and were really great -- loads of energy, fun onstage, sounded awesome. but this! wow. i had no idea nikki could sing so beautifully! she was the bassplayer for the carlsonics, and i assume for nethers now, but sorely underused on vocals!

Sunday, June 05, 2005

the slacker curse

not only did this weekend get fucked by stomach viruses most putrid and foul -- i will spare you the details of my 48-hour nightmare -- but here it is, sunday, and we have yet to accomplish ANYTHING. i guess the fact that we've all been feeling like shit makes it excusable, but NO. there are many THINGS TO BE DONE and NOT MUCH TIME TO DO THEM. [this is the part where i rue the fact that i was born a slacker and will probably die a slacker yadda yadda yadda...] having two kids to take care of has put a slight crimp in the true lay-around-and-do-nothing part of my slacker lifestyle, but i can still put things off and let things go like nobody's business! seriously, it's just who i am. it can't be helped. oddly enough, i have an ongoing love affair with checklists -- nevermind the fact that i rarely check off everything on the list! it usually gets lost in a sea of clutter before that can happen. heh.

needs to be done:

-clean yard before Rock-n-Romp in 6 DAYS.

-finally put up those damn flyers i keep printing and misplacing BEFORE RnR in 6 DAYS.

-finish cleaning out the linen closets. (what do you think the life expectancy of a bath towel is? i've just realized that the majority of our towels/bed linens we both acquired pre-us. they're not ratty or anything, but some are a good 5-10 years old, and some parts of the sets are missing. i think we need new ones, but that's my answer for everything. plus, it's like, "my ex-husband probably used that towel you're drying your ass with!" heh.)

-finish "manual" with important phone numbers, addresses and directions and calendar of important events for chris to help her with all the details of taking care of the boys while we are in ireland.

-firm up our itinerary for ireland BEFORE we leave in 13 DAYS.

-get together with lucia and mike to discuss details of trip BEFORE we leave in 13 DAYS.

-figure out what food to take to jack's end of school graduation/celebration potluck that takes place in 7 DAYS.

-find a green shirt for jack to wear to the school potluck because if he doesn't wear one he will obviously fuck up the long hard planning of some performance piece involving dancing and singing in spanish where most, if not all, of the kids will be screwing around or sheepishly looking at the audience with their fingers in their noses or mouths instead of dancing and singing so who the hell cares if they're all wearing green anyway?? oh, in 7 DAYS.

-find david some new glasses (for the love of god) BEFORE OUR TRIP IN 13 DAYS. i've finally gotten tired of looking at lenses scratched and smudged to hell instead of his eyes, and it's getting on my nerves! i'm an optician for fuck's sake! i can't live with someone wearing glasses like that! but that fact is also making it REAL hard to pay retail -- holy shit, decent eyewear is expensive!

-dig out luggage and plan what to pack before the night before we leave for ireland in 13 DAYS.

i'm forgetting something, i know i am. but more importantly, how the hell did this trip sneak up so fast?? and school is out after NEXT WEEK? fuck! but also, why have i never typed a list this way before? my rushed scribbling on stray pieces of half-used paper or the backs of receipts always seemed like a good idea, but this is so much better!

let's hope i get some of this shit done, eh?

Friday, June 03, 2005

now playing

duran duran - girls on film

because watching nate dance to it makes me feel slightly less nauseous. plus, i'm digging on that funky bassline! who knew that john taylor wasn't just eye candy and could really play??

Wednesday, June 01, 2005


well, at least in recent history. after my post yesterday things took a quick downward spiral with dave having to come home early to much crying, puking and pooping. i am beyond tired. it turns out that there is some sort of stomach virus making the rounds -- info provided by a panicked call to the pediatrician -- and the lee boys were the latest victims. i can honestly say that after almost 5 years of parenting, and 14 months of parenting two, i was not at all prepared for the horror that was yesterday.

just when you start to think that you're getting the hang of being the Mom Who Has Things Somewhat Under Control, you wake up to a double-dose of diarrhea so bad that your kids are crying when you have to wipe their poor red butts. last night it was so painful for jack that i was sitting facing him on the toilet, holding his hands and telling him to squeeze mine as hard as he could so i could help take some of the pain away, then crying with him when he wailed, "Why is this happening to me??" and "I don't want it to come out! It hurts! It hurts!" over and over. poor little guy. how do you explain to a kid who has never felt pain like that that he's just got to deal with it? the shit's gonna come out, kid, so you've just got to suck it up! yeah, that doesn't work so well on a 4 year old. thankfully, nate's biggest probem wasn't the pooping itself, it was the wiping of the yeast infected testicular area -- oy, the CRYING. heartbreaking. there were a few moments when jack was crying on the toilet and nate was crying in the next room while dave changed his diaper -- i truly felt like i wanted to die. i hate to bring it up again, but it is that dreaded time of the month for me, so at those moments of wailing and suffering in unison i really felt like i was going to lose it. i felt like i couldn't bear hearing the pain in their cries anymore! if dave weren't there....well, i'd rather not speculate on how i would've dealt with the chaos. i would have, obviously, but it would've been, um, difficult.

it would appear that the boys are better today -- only a few loose poops for nate and none for jack, so far. oh god, PLEASE. tummy feels a little funny, though....