it beats the hell out of doing laundry

Thursday, April 28, 2005


feeling meh and not so much like writing, but there are a few things that have been rambling through my head:

1. why do all new cars have stupid fucking names? i think american and japanese car manufacturers should just go the way of the much classier europeans and give cars model numbers and/or letters. unless they're gonna be ballsy and call the new ford pickup The Asskicker or something equally awesome. heh.

2. why does my 24 hour allergy medicine wear off at around hour 12?? i'd totally take another dose if i weren't such a pussy about not heeding the directions on the box: "DO NOT TAKE MORE THAN ONE DOSE IN A 24 HOUR PERIOD." hmph! yeah, and i toss all food and medicine that's more than one day over the expiration date, too. paranoid dork.

3. why does the smell of roads freshly paved with tar make me flashback to my days as a bus patrol in the 5th grade? yep, the smell of tar and anytime i hear "funkytown".

4. why is natey cutting down to one nap a day kicking my ass?? it's all fucked up -- he's usually yawning and rubbing his eyes by 9 (after getting up at around 7), but when he takes a nap at 9, it's next to impossible getting him to take a second nap, even though he sorely needs it. so i try to keep him up til 11ish, which has worked out okay, but i guess i've gotten used to having a few hours in the morning to relax a little, rather than entertain and keep him out of trouble, so i've been ridiculously tired by 9pm. plus, one long nap (2-3 hours) in the middle of the day seriously hinders my ability to go anywhere to do anything! and then it's time to pick up jack from school, and taking the two of them anywhere that doesn't involve swings or ice cream or fun just isn't worth the aggravation. SIGH.

5. i'm sick of the rain on the weekend bullshit! don't the weather gods know that saturday and sunday are the only days that anything will get done in our jungle of a yard?! and we desperately need to clean out the garage, which would involve taking everything out and putting it in the uncovered driveway.

blah-de-blah. meh.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

now playing

johnny cash - don't take your guns to town

what is it about johnny cash that makes me cry at every song i hear him sing?? or maybe it's just the songs about dying and being in jail and such. i dunno. *sniff* i miss johnny.

Monday, April 25, 2005

QUICK! somebody slap me!

last night, while we were lying in bed, dave and i had a little conversation.

"i think i want to have another baby."


"come on, i want another itty-bitty baby!"

"nate is still an itty-bitty baby. NO."

"come on! it would be so cute! maybe a girl!"

"and we'd be living on the street because the cute baby girl would need all new clothes, and tuition for preschool and....NO."

i've gotten it into my head that after having 2 kids, having one more would be a piece of cake. but dave's right -- how would we afford it? how do people afford it?? i mentioned the possibility of having another baby to a friend, and lamented that we would be so poor. he said, "but you'd be rich in love." true dat (says the woman who doesn't bring in a paycheck).

i think more of my friends need to start having babies so i can live vicariously through them.

now playing

supersystem - born into the world

i can't sit still when this song is on. typing while shaking my ass ain't easy.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

mini me

sometimes i think jack is my clone.


dave: okay jack, it's time to get ready to go to the store. go potty and then put your shoes on.

jack: but daddy, you need to change your shirt.


me (in other room): BAHAHAHAHA!

dave: i am in hell.

Friday, April 22, 2005

nothing like some bad 80s videos to cheer me up

last night i was still a little stressed about the accident, so dave put the boys to bed while i drowned my sorrows in bad tv and ben & jerry's mint chocolate cookie. what better way to forget all my troubles?? i needed a serious distraction to block out the image of poor natey's head being violently whipped around when we collided with the other car -- can you imagine a shittier way to be woken up from a deep sleep?? just thinking about it now is making me hyperventilate, because i can't even imagine what it would've been like if the accident had been more serious. yes, this is what i will be thinking about ALL DAY. fuck, i am thanking my lucky stars over this one. *whew* but back to the tv!

for the most part, i stopped watching music videos after high school. i loved watching 120 minutes on MTV -- i wonder if that's still on in some form? -- but i never got into spending hours watching videos. there were way too many lame ones! hilarious, but lame. and now, thanks to VH1, i can revisit these horrible videos of my teen years! dave was flipping channels and stumbled upon some show, probably one of many, dedicated to 80s videos. perfect! what better way to distract myself AND make fun of people? for those of you who may have never watched tv with me -- heh, i guess that would be ALL of you -- i am a tv-talker. i know it's annoying, but i truly think it's genetic. my parents do it, but they tend to talk to the tv -- they probably think it's better than having to talk to each other! but my sister! oh god, if you ever have the opportunity to watch tv with my sister, RUN FOR THE HILLS -- she is way worse off than me. my commentary is more along the lines of mystery science theater 3000, but she gets really worked up, like it's personal and shit. she will talk to the people on the tv, as well as about what the people are doing, what they're wearing or their hairstyle and what is probably going to happen next. i find it hilarious, and tend to jump in when we're together, but poor dave? he has only witnessed this a few times, but is convinced WE ARE INSANE. heh. oh, but i'm off topic here. we were talking about videos. 80s videos are perfect my kind of tv-talking -- they scream for someone to make fun of them! dave and i gasped and laughed and had a good old time killing an hour watching and ridiculing them last night. let's explore some of these video gems from the past, shall we?

information society - what's on your mind

i've got one word for you: TRAINWRECK. that is one word, right? now that i read that they're from fucking minneapolis, they are all the more pathetic in my eyes. the singer, with his over-processed hair of varying lengths and colors and ill-fitting suit, comes across as a totally pompous ass with an affected british accent who takes himself WAY too seriously. sure, his spastic dancing is mildly entertaining, but his bandmates seem to have been under the impression that this was going to be a fun-loving, wacky kind of video! you know, very typical of the 80s, with fluorescent props (huge cutout guitars and drums) and lots of gel and a drummer wearing sunglasses (i think they may have even been the flip-up kind) and one of those stupid porkpie hats that everyone thought were so cool. they're running around mugging for the camera and being goofy, while mr. pompous stares stoically into the camera and sings like this pathetic song is at all worthy of anyone's time. *gag*

billy ocean - get outta my dreams, get into my car

okay, not quite as pathetic, save for the inclusion of some really poor animation mixed in with the live-action stuff. god, i love cheesiness, and this is pretty damn cheesy. heh. wasn't crappy animation in a lot of videos back then? like it was so cool and wacky to have an animated duck wearing sunglasses (probably the flip-up kind!) running alongside billy's convertible while he's singing to the gorgeous girl he just picked up at the carwash?? lucky thing she had a strapless, bubble-skirted dress on under those coveralls!

the communards - don't leave me this way

seeing this video made me clap my hands in glee! i used to love love LOVE this song. this version of this song, that is. i never got too into bronski beat, but i love jimmy somerville. *sniff* little jimmy somerville with his huge, misshapen head and voice of an angel! the communard's self-titled album is very good, but i'm partial to the singles collection 1984-1990. anyway, nothing too cliched about this video, though it is set in some type of oppressive place (gee, could it be russia??) where music must be "approved". but the poor communards have been rejected, so they stage a secret show in some abandoned industrial-looking place where a spy infiltrates the show and everyone runs off when the spotlights and sirens go off! thankfully, they're able to get through the song! heh.

bruce springsteen & the E street band - glory days

typical bruce fare -- blue collar guy reminsicing about his younger days playing baseball. meh. but the show in the neighborhood bar??? holy shit, i don't think i've ever seen such a group of ragtag-looking misfits on one stage in my life! first, little steven van zandt looks like some fucked up gypsy vampire! seriously, the dude's got fangs. then there's nils lofgren who, unshaven and unkempt, wearing all black and a beret, just looks dirty. ick. the bassplayer was some non-descript white guy, but he sure was having a ball up there! and what's the drummer's name? max something-or-other? whenever i see him, even with his tinted glasses and hawaiian shirt that i'm sure he thinks look cool, all i can think is "dentist". and we round out the bunch with the chick that broke up poor bruce's marriage and clarence clemons playing the tambourine like they're lives depended on it. come on now, nobody gets *that* into playing the fucking tambourine!

billy joel - uptown girl

the first obviously disturbing thing about this video is the idea that christie brinkley was really interested in bug-eyed, troll-like billy joel! yikes. secondly, why didn't anyone find it offensive to have 2 token black kids poppin' and lockin' along with the most white bread of songs?? wasn't that a bizarre trend in 80s videos? another funny thing i noticed was that i recognized some of the dancing dudes from other videos. there must have been a shortage in male dancers or something back then. i'm thinking they had to round them ALL up for michael jackson videos like "Bad" and "Thriller" -- it was probably like a reunion every time a new video got shot!

WHAM! - wake me up before you go-go

the only thing i could think while watching this was, "how did people NOT know that george michael was GAY?" he even got by my gaydar, which is not easy. some gay friends of mine still marvel over how i knew that someone was gay back in high school, even before they did! but maybe people were too taken with the dayglo accessories, ultra-white teeth, tanned face and sun-streaked hair to care. yeah, that was probably it. plus, he hadn't been caught picking up guys in public restrooms yet.

yes it is true, I Love the 80s!

Thursday, April 21, 2005

top 5 reasons this day has SUCKED OUT LOUD

1. i found my first shock white hair. just imagining how hideously washed-out i would look with all white hair is depressing.

2. i got soaked running home in the cold rain while pushing a goddamn stroller! FUCK YOU, unreliable forecasting motherfuckers!

3. i have a really nasty headache that started as soon as we stepped in the door from running home in the goddamn rain. it's at the base of my skull and is really annoying.

4. as i bent over to pick up natey so he wouldn't crawl into the bathroom FOR THE 40TH FUCKING TIME today, i gouged my eye with my own finger, which has resulted in a blood-red starburst-like blob on the white of my eye. it's actually kind of cool, but feels odd.

5. i found out the hard way that it is less than ideal to have a napping infant in the car when you have an accident. holy shit, as if being shaken up by the fact that you've JUST HAD AN ACCIDENT wasn't enough, a wailing baby jolted out of a deep sleep because you HAD to have french fries and a hot fudge sundae because you were convinced that it would make your headache go away and you were trying to kill time so he would sleep because his napping SUCKS ASS lately and you didn't see that damn car barreling through the parking lot in the pouring rain so you smacked right into her will certainly get your heart racing and FREAK YOU THE FUCK OUT.


Tuesday, April 19, 2005

who knew i could be such a whore?

now that Rock-n-Romp is coming up, AND expanding to baltimore, i am furiously searching out opportunities for press. so i've been hounding a friend i know at the washington city paper for the appropriate contacts and their emails, and sending out shameless messages asking for some coverage. i know it seems desperate, but i don't know what else to do! journalists aren't exactly knocking on my door, and i know that RnR would make a good story. so i beg. it's not so hard, really.

i'm not exactly sure why i think a piece in the WCP would be good for RnR, especially since it's become so popular mostly on its own. the washington post weekend section mention definitely brought in a new crowd, but most of them stopped coming after they figured out that RnR was not going to be anything like a raffi concert. heh. i guess i'm assuming that the majority of parents who read the WCP are like me -- young(ish) hipster-types who like indie music and want to expose their kids to good live music that doesn't suck. oh god, please forgive me for calling myself a "hipster"--i couldn't think of anything else! anyway, i want to meet these parents! they are few and far between in my suburban 'hood, and it would be cool to find someone who lives close by that we can playdate with. yeah, i know these folks are out there, they just haven't heard of RnR yet. they need to be educated!

also on the RnR promotional front, we've got t-shirts coming! it's kind of sad how excited i am about these t-shirts, but I AM. i can't wait to wear one! and then there will be the obnoxious flyering i'm gonna do when we make flyers. ooh, and stickers! yeah, DC and baltimore, watch out. Rock-n-Romp is gonna be IN YOUR FACE.

Monday, April 18, 2005

he is his mother's son

today jack found some legos he got as a present a while back but that i'd hidden from him because they are a little too advanced. for you non-parents, lego sets now come in different skill levels and corresponding sizes to appeal to all children, from babies on up. this particular set has small, intricate pieces to build some kind of crane or bulldozer or something. anyway, we (I) put it together following the instructions, but when jack would try to play with it (in his rough, 4-year-old way), it would break apart. after several times putting it back together, jack had had enough.

"SIGH. mommy, these legos are cheap."

i am oddly proud, yet slightly horrified. heh.

like, oh my god!

i overheard some 20-something women having a conversation today, and it was pretty shocking. unfortunately, not in an interesting way -- i couldn't really even figure out what they were talking about, but one of them was recounting a conversation with someone else. it went like this:

"so i was like BLAH BLAH BLAH. then she was like BLAH BLAH BLAH. then i was like BLAH BLAH BLAH. then she was like BLAH BLAH BLAH. then i was like BLAH BLAH BLAH. then she was like BLAH BLAH BLAH. etc etc."

i shit you not. i lost count of the was likes. i actually laughed out loud because i was just waiting for her to change it up and say "then i said BLAH BLAH BLAH," but it didn't happen! i didn't realize grown people spoke this way! it's a little bit scary. scarier still, i think i'm guilty of using "was like" a lot! but now that i know how ridiculously stupid i must sound, i'm going to make a concerted effort to stop. at least in that context, anyway. i refuse to give up my valley girl likes --they're too much a part of my childhood. like, totally!

Saturday, April 16, 2005

don't fuck with me

i'm wearing fishnets and i'm not afraid to rip them!

thanks to my awesome friend angel for these photos. she is a fabulous rock photographer! oh, and knows how to make me look skinny -- an invaluable skill in my book.

i think i'm singing about being drunk the night before and not remembering what i said or did

i look like one angry rock chick!

which, by the way, has NEVER happened to me. my dear friend craig wrote that one. it was a good song. really!

i used to be in a band

thinking before our first show, "did i drink enough??"

it's kinda funny to think about it now, it seems so long ago. the story of the band is not all that interesting, but we did open for bob mould. BOB MOULD. pretty awesome. more importantly though, look how hot i was! heh. i was working a pat benatar look to confuse the audience. and i'm skinny!

Friday, April 15, 2005

this totally makes me feel better

check this out.

how awesome is that?? jack thought that their butts hanging out was high-larious. hey, it's all about the art. heh.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

christine is dead

i got nothing right now except life's not fair, but we knew that already.

didn't mean to be cryptic -- you can find out who christine is here.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

now playing

the bravery - no brakes

because i am a music lemming! apparently the bravery is another hot 80s-inspired band, both adored and reviled by the critics. we've established that i'm no music critic, because that would require knowledge of more than the pathetic 4 or 5 bands i can remember anything about, but i know what i like. i like this. it's got a good beat and i can dance to it! so it's a little derivative. okay, a LOT derivative. i don't care. no need to reinvent the wheel, people -- just play your music and make me dance!

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

life sucks hard sometimes

i've recently found out that a friend's wife, who had been diagnosed with leukemia, is now fighting various infections including pneumonia and breathing with a ventilator. she underwent a bone-marrow transplant a few months back, but it looks like it didn't "take", as she now has no white cells to fight infection. they are a young couple with a 3 year old son.

i'm going to risk any possible jinxing and say that i have been lucky to not have faced any serious or potentially fatal illness among my family or close friends. but the pessimist in me is always waiting for "the other shoe to drop", so to speak. when so many people are sick and/or dying, how have i been so fortunate? sometimes i feel like i've been too lucky, and get a little crazy over things like new moles and unfamiliar pains. it's not often, but i can be a serious hypochondriac if i read a well-timed article on "HOW TO FIND OUT IF THAT TINY FRECKLE IS REALLY SKIN CANCER AND SAVE YOUR LIFE!" or "THIS WOMAN THOUGHT SHE JUST HAD INDIGESTION BUT SHE WAS REALLY DYING! SEE IF HER SYMPTOMS MATCH YOURS!" bastard alarmist journalists! but they know their audience -- they know ME. i will call my doctor and make check-up appointments after reading these articles. why fuck around? i've got too much to live for and don't want to risk missing anything. i want to embarrass jack in front of his girlfriend. i want to sit in the backseat when natey gets his driver's license. i want to be the mother of the groom. i want to meet my grandchildren!

i suppose we are all born equally fragile. something like leukemia can invade our bodies and strip us of our immunity, not stopping to ask questions or getting to know us and our lives. not finding out what or who we have to live for. all we can do is fight.

keep fighting, christine. i want you to meet your grandchildren.

two steps forward, one step back

so i was just saying the other week how proud i am of jack's progress in desissy-fying himself. i'm sorry, does that sound mean? a touch mommie dearest? forgive me, but i just had to talk down a shrieking, homicidal 4 year old because he thought the coffeemaker brewing was actually a bee buzzing, so i'm a little testy. jack has decided that THE BEES ARE OUT TO GET HIM. who do we have to thank for this revelation? winnie the motherfuckin' pooh, that's who. DAMN YOU, POOH!

my mother has some winnie the pooh video that has the gluttonous little bear attempting to steal honey from a beehive, and in the process stirs up trouble with the bees. they're pissed. they chase pooh. pooh gets away. pretty weak as far as heart-pumping chase scenes go, but apparently not for a 4 year old. jack keeps bringing up this video, and we keep explaining that if pooh had left the bees alone, the bees would've left him alone. simple enough, right? WRONG. this weekend we were outside on the front porch, and i left him there to run to the backyard for something. dave was inside feeding natey, and could see jack through the front door. all of a sudden, i hear a high-pitched scream and "DADDY!!!" it took a few seconds for me to realize that maybe it was jack, because it sounded like nothing i've ever heard come out of his mouth! i ran to the front and saw him inside with dave, crying and freaking out. he saw a bee. flying by. it did not touch him. it probably didn't even know jack was there until his earsplitting screams deafened the poor thing. now it's really difficult to talk to a 4 year old about these kinds of things. you ask questions, they don't answer. or their answer doesn't make sense. it's pretty frustrating, especially when you're trying to get to the bottom of something like the sudden onset of extreme bee fear.

jack eventually calmed down, but he was so freaked out by the possibility of bees being around that he refused to go back outside. he's been kinda clingy the past couple of days, too, especially when we have to go out to get into the car. and now the coffeemaker-that-sounds-like-a-bee incident! i just don't know what to say. i appreciate that he's afraid, but i'm worried -- his fear seems a little out of control. SIGH. hopefully he'll get over it.

now playing

kaiser chiefs - modern way

yet another band contributing to the influx of 80s-inspired music these days. i quite like it, but then i'm a sucker for anything 80s-ish. the keyboards remind me of early OMD (you remember, they did "if you leave" from pretty in pink?), but mostly i hear a huge madness influence. not a bad thing in my book.

Monday, April 11, 2005

mismatched denim

why does it vex me so?? because i'm an obsessive-compulsive freak when it comes to clothes, that's why! dave let jack wear his denim jacket with jeans the other day. i think he did it just to see my reaction -- is overreaction a word? don't get me wrong, matched denim is no better in my opinion. tacky, tacky, tacky.

i know. i need professional help.

cunt cutters

how can i woman not know she's wearing them? and if she does know, why would she wear them??

sorry, the more common term for this phenomenon is camel toe. "cunt cutter" was my high school best friend's term for it. unfortunately (for you) it's still stuck in my brain 20 years later. such pleasant talk for a monday morning! look, it's that woman i saw walking this morning's fault! blech.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

my husband is an awesome husband!

am i going to hell for poking fun at a time life classic song for worship? couldn't having the annoying commercial running through my head all day be penance?? heh.

dave has been especially good to me this past week. it has been a week of pmdd (self-diagnosed and unmedicated) and pollen-related allergy symptoms, including itchy eyes, itchy throat and irritated sinuses. oh, and can't forget bitchy baby with 20 TEETH COMING IN AT THE SAME TIME. ugh. nothing that needed to be done this week got done. no grocery shopping, no housecleaning. we have eaten dinner out every night this week because i just cannot deal with having to make something. that would involve grocery shopping! and some kind of initiative, which i just don't have. but dave has not complained. he's let me collapse on the couch every night to numb my brain with TV while he puts the boys to bed. he's done the dishes and taken out the trash and picked up toys. how did i deserve this wonderful man? the way i've been this week, i can't really say i do.

i think i may need to seek professional help with this premenstrual thing. it really kicks my ass and, unfortunately, the ass of everyone around me because my ire is inescapable. no matter what you do, you will irritate me. i will snap at you. i know that i'm being ridiculous, but i CANNOT stop myself. it bothers me that i may have some emotional (albeit hormonal) disturbance that requires medication, but i can't deny that i exhibit most of the symptoms associated with pmdd. i've dealt with pms and depression before, but have never sought professional help. i always seemed to get through it on my own. but not being able to stop myself from screaming at my 4 year old for something benign (i'm ashamed to admit i can't remember what, and it's happened more than a few times this past week) really scares me. not to mention the fact that i am totally useless when i'm like this -- it's like i've forgotten how to function. if it weren't for jack and natey's needs, i most certainly would've spent all week in my pajamas (unshowered) on the couch eating cookie dough or something and getting incredibly pissed off at not being able to find the remote! ugh, even typing that makes me feel gross. maybe this is just the kick-in-the-pants i need to do something about it.

i don't always show my awesome husband how much i appreciate all he does for me -- for all of us. i'm sorry, dave -- i'm going to do better at that. thank you for being so understanding. and awesome! i love you.

Friday, April 08, 2005

now playing

bad brains - sacred love

'cause it's an awesome song and i need to wake the fuck up! pollen is KICKING MY ASS. ugh.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

how scatterbrained do you have to be

to lose your glasses between getting in the car and leaving target and coming home?? i am losing my mind!

in other news today, i am very excited about this local "school of rock"! jack is going to be so thrilled -- the movie School of Rock is his favorite. he's even started reciting dialogue! yes, we have spawned that kind of nerd. heh. i think i'm gonna try to get one of the kid bands to play Rock-n-Romp.

also, i have entered a new parenting phase where i have to make sure i check jack's pockets before i wash his pants. you never really know how nice it is when young kids have no use for pockets, or even notice them, until you have an incident. this one wasn't so bad, but melted, then hardened, green crayon is impossible to get out. i wonder if he'll pull any dennis the menace-style stunts with slugs or worms in his pockets??

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

cold stone creamery?

meh. i'm just not feeling it, and it's not for lack of trying! i've tried it a few times since they opened downtown, and every time it's a letdown. all the choices are so overwhelming i usually opt for one of their "creations", which sound really good on the menu, but never taste as good as you would expect. jack loves it, though. mix up oreos, chocolate chips, marshmallows and reese's peanut butter cups with vanilla ice cream, throw some rainbow sprinkles on it, and voila! a culinary masterpiece that only a 4 year old could appreciate! *sigh* now he refuses ice cream from anyplace else.

would it be terribly tacky to walk in with ben & jerry's from across the street next time we get jack ice cream there?

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

so, speaking of homophobes....

today i had another encounter with some obnoxious kids on the way home from jack's school. i'm thinking they're in middle school or early high school. they're 3 pretty normal-looking white boys with shaggy hair, oversized t-shirts, stylish tennis shoes. they're kinda geeky. they probably like limp bizkit. you know the type. their bus drops them off on the road i travel home, which is a well-travelled road at all times of the day. huh. i don't even know how to begin. let me start by chronicling the 3 encounters i've had with them thus far, so we can put this into perspective:

1st encounter, late fall: i drive past to see one of the boys bent over with another simulating anal penetration behind him. oh, and he's smacking the bent-over kid's ass and making grotesque faces which i assume are supposed to look orgasmic.

2nd encounter, winter, after it's snowed: i drive past to see the boys standing in front of a stone wall in front of a house. they have made penis-shaped snow sculptures on the wall and are "jerking them off" and pretending to lick them.

3rd encounter, today: i drive past to see one boy with his back to the road and another in front of him on his knees simulating oral sex.

am i wrong for being creeped out and angry about this?? i was really tempted to pull over and say something, but what? these kids are obviously shitheads -- i doubt anything i could say would register. but this is an obnoxiousness that transcends any other i've personally encountered! i don't know what to make of it, really. any of you men, help me out here. would it be funny (back when you were 14ish) to pretend to fuck another guy? or give him a blowjob?? i know it's mostly about the reaction you would get from those passing by, but i'm not so sure this is homophobia. maybe curiosity disguised as homophobia? *shudder* i know 14 year old boys are still immature about things like sex, but these encounters really bother me!

ooh! here's a challenge for you: supply me with something good i can shout out the car window at the little assholes to scare them and i'll buy you a beer! heh.

Monday, April 04, 2005

now playing

the smiths - what difference does it make?

what can i say, i've been on a smiths kick lately. this used to be one of my all-time favorite songs.

the devil will find work for idle hands to do
i stole and then i lied
just because you asked me to
but now you know the truth about me
you won't see me anymore
but i'm still fond of you

got my game face on

this is it. i am prepared to engage in an epic battle -- a battle fought by millions of women the world over. it will require strength, determination and strategy. i've fought this battle many times before, and am not ashamed to admit i have lost more than once. there's no shame in accepting defeat when served to you by such a worthy opponent. but this time, i'm ready. yes, now it is time for ME vs. The Bangs.

okay, a tad melodramatic, but this is no joke! these bangs are currently the bane of my existence. I HATE THEM. but, obviously, i have no one to blame but myself. i cut them in a fit of 3rd-trimester insanity, and i actually quite enjoyed them for awhile, because a new look when your pregnant is always welcome. but now they look stupid. and scraggly. and crooked! yes, i cut them myself. shut up. why hasn't anyone invented a device that delivers an electric shock when you frivolously decide that bangs would be cute?? seriously, it would make you pause and remember the 50 other times you cut bangs on a whim and regretted it!

and why do models' bangs always look so good? i know, i've been around long enough to know not to think my hair will look anything like pictures in a magazine, but there's always that hope, you know? but this time i know what i need to do: i need to dismiss any notion that my bangs will suddenly become cute if i use the right product, hide my scissors, stock my arsenal of barrettes and bobbypins and suck it up. you have no idea how hard this is going to be for me. VERY HARD. but i am determined. i am ready. oh wait, i need to get my eyebrows waxed! heh. but after that, BRING IT.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

i'm no homophobe, i'm just married!

i used to live in a neighborhood heavily populated with gay people (mostly men) and worked at an optical boutique (in the same neighborhood) with a predominantly gay clientele. i actually met dave there and assumed he was gay. heh. but that's another story, for another time. it used to be fun to be a woman in a sea of fabulous, trendily dressed and perfectly coiffed, good-looking men. i had friends like none i'd ever had before -- i could never gossip with anyone like i could gossip with some catty queens! heh. and we had FUN -- i enjoyed going to gay bars and clubs and dancing to all the techno and house music i could stand. have you seen queer as folk ? stereotypical as they may be, the places i frequented were straight out of that show. it almost feels like another life at this point. five years and two kids will do that to you, i guess.

last night i met my friend lucia and her husband at the black cat to see my other friend elaine's band play. it was great fun, and a long time coming because we haven't hung out together in eons! we gabbed and drank and enjoyed the music and hung out with a bunch of other friends i knew that were there. much like me, lucia is the type of person who doesn't like to sit still too long, so she started to get bored with the music and suggested that we walk down to our friend ed's new (to me, anyway) bar. the night was still relatively young, and with 3 beers under my belt, i was game for anything. what i wasn't prepared for was how out of place i felt at a trendy gay bar! heh. seriously, it kind of threw me for a loop, even though i know i'm a completely different person now. okay, maybe not completely different, but pretty damn different.

the thing that bothered me more than how out of place i felt was how unchanged the experience was. i felt like i was walking into the same kind of bar with the same kind of atmosphere with the same freakin' people as i did 6 or 7 years ago! and basically, i was. i recognized quite a few of the same faces i used to see out and about. there was definitely a crop of younger guys, but it certainly felt like the same old, tired crowd. the same crowd with the same see and be seen attitude. it was actually kind of depressing. now the place was certainly cute and modern with great music and yummy drinks and yummier bartenders, but i wasn't really enjoying it. it felt too meat markety! and fake, somehow....desperate.

i'm inclined to believe that i would've felt the same way if i'd have gone to a "straight" bar. i just have to accept that any kind of bar i go to is going to make me feel weird now. unlike most of my friends, i'm married, have kids and don't live in the city. i can't sleep all day if i have a hangover. i don't have the time or energy to get all dolled up before going out. okay, maybe that's just laziness, but why bother?? it's SO nice to not be on the prowl. heh. but i am happy -- lame, but happy. i can live with that.

Friday, April 01, 2005


isn't it funny how "sucka" sounds SO much cooler than "sucker"? heh.

so it's april fool's day. woo-hoo! i have to say that i am probably the most pathetic prankster on the face of the planet. i'm the person who ruins the joke by giggling, and i have never been able to keep a straight face when trying to fool someone. seriously, i've given up trying. but i thought this was pretty damn good (read the fugazi part and click on the blog link).

nicely done, greg. you certainly got me!

happy april fool's day!