it beats the hell out of doing laundry

Thursday, March 31, 2005

you've got to be fucking kidding me

so i had to jump on the hot topic website, and what should i find? creepers for toddlers?? i'm all for alterna-wear for the kiddies, but come on! do people really still wear creepers? yikes.

10 more things i learned yesterday

1. my mom has not lost her touch at the guilt. i learned all my guilt tactics from her -- she's quite the master! what is it about asian women that makes them this way?? seriously, when i was growing up she took every opportunity to get all joy luck club on my ass. ugh. but it seemed like she was mellowing in her golden years. that is, until i called her from the park yesterday.

"hey mom, just checking in to make sure you're doing okay with natey."

"we're fine! he keeps looking around for you, though."

"mom, he's only one. i doubt he's 'looking' for me. did he nap?"

"yes. he whined a little, but fell asleep pretty fast. he was really tired."

"oh good. i was worried about the playpen thing. so how long did he sleep?"

"about an hour-and-a-half. i kept peeking in on him and the last time i checked he was just sitting in the playpen not making a sound and looking around. he was looking for you."

"he WASN'T looking for me! he was just checking the room out since he's not used to being there. so he ate okay? his poor gums are really bothering him."

"he had a bottle, but he kept stopping and crying and looking at me and looking around the room. he wanted to know where you were."

"SIGH. okay mom. i'll call you when we're leaving. you know, maybe he wouldn't have such a hard time if you spent more time with him." [ha! take that!]

"okay, we'll talk to you later. oh and he threw up a little, but i'm sure he's fine."

*click* damn it! she got the last word in! and see how she totally ignores my attempt at guilting her?? she's a pro, i tell you.

2. there are still women in the world who get kinky, 80s-style poodle perms. they're rednecks, but they DO exist. my sister is one of them.

"dude, your hair looks HORRIBLE."

"no! it's just because i just got it done and i can't wash it or style it yet!"

um, yeah. right.

3. whack-a-mole is a pretty damn fun game.

4. corndogs, REAL corndogs with beef hotdogs inside, RULE. oh my god. it's gotta be more than a decade since i've had one! we like to get the morning star farms veggie corndogs -- you know, 'cause we're all healthy and shit -- but they are a pathetic substitute for the juicy, beefy goodness of a real corndog.

5. it really is possible to spend a day at a theme park and not get funnel cake! who knew??

6. if i may be so shallow and snobby, king's dominion is like wal-mart with rollercoasters. i guess that would make busch gardens more like target? yeah, busch gardens is defiinitely more about the culture, what with the different countries and all that. heh.

7. my sister hates our father even more than i do!

8. seeing jack and natey smiling and laughing together fills me with indescribable joy.

9. natey likes the smiths! i swear, as we were driving to my mom's house, he watched me very intently as i warbled along with "best... vol. 1", and did some impromptu yodel/hum-type stuff along with the music! heh. i'm just glad to have one son who appreciates their genius. if i put it on when jack's around he says, "mommy, this song doesn't rock enough!" indeed.

10. i'm really a 16-year-old girl trapped inside a 35-year-old housewife. as natey and i were listening to morrissey wail a part from"rubber ring",

but don't forget the songs
that made you cry
and the songs that saved your life
yes, you're older now
and you're a clever swine
but they were the only ones who ever stood by you

i got choked up! like actual tears welled up in my eyes! i felt like i was 16 and huddled in my room thinking about how unfair life is and how i'll never know real love and how a 20-something, asexual man from manchester is the ONLY person who understands me and where can i possibly find black nail polish when it's not halloween (yes, the days before hot topic were brutal)!?! wow. that was unexpected. the power of music, eh?

the boy is growing up

i've learned that jack is way more adventurous than i give him credit for. now this is the kid who has been uber-cautious since the day he was born -- irritatingly so! getting him to try anything new or even slightly scary-looking is usually impossible. he's the kid who shows up at the open gym and hangs back and observes all the other kids flailing themselves from ropeswings and bouncing like maniacs on trampolines for 45 minutes THEN decides it's okay to try something. this would be fine if open gym didn't last ONE HOUR. anyway, whenever we find out about something kid-oriented happening around town (circus, carnival, show, etc), we have to do a little song-and-dance to convince him it's something worth doing. then he changes his mind about 50 damn times. i know kids can be indecisive, but sometimes i think his indecision is a serious problem! i think he wants to try new things but is truly afraid. this worries me and makes me sad, because i wonder if i've done this to him. i mean, he was our first, and we were definitely the freakish first-timers watching his every move and never letting him do anything with any pain-potential. yep, more guilt for the pile. but after yesterday, i think he's slowly coming out of his shell.

yesterday my sister and i took him to king's dominion for a little spring break fun. when we first started talking about it i expected the usual trepidation, but he seemed pretty into the idea from the get-go -- the right commercial can work wonders on a kid! as we entered the park and saw all the people and rides i expected some hanging back, but jack bounded in with an eagerness that really surprised me. even after we encountered someone in a gargantuan dora costume (her head was fucking HUGE), he seemed unphased! now jack's dislike of anyone dressed up as any kind of character is legendary. this is actually one of his fears i totally understand -- i find them creepy, too! at least we won't have to worry about any horrific trips to chuck e. cheese's. heh.

we ended up going on the scooby doo haunted mansion ride and the kiddie rollercoaster not once, but TWICE. jack was definitely a little freaked out about entering the dark haunted mansion at first, but he enjoyed it enough to ask to do it again! and the rollercoaster was really tame, but you have to consider who we're talking about here. jack's been known to want to get off those lame "rides" in front of the grocery store. all in all, i consider this trip to be a total breakthrough. we had fun! and he was good -- like good good. like listening-to-me, holding-my-hand-when-i-asked-him-the-first-time, eating-his-lunch-and-not-fucking-around good. it was kind of surreal! *sniff* i'm so proud of how he is growing up.

oh, and the weather was fucking unbelievably gorgeous -- sunny skies and almost 70! by all rights, a pretty fantastic day.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

color me surprised!

i get home after a long day of theme-parking and find an email from the medications saying that they "are definitely into participating" in my little concert series! for those who might not know who they are, they're the same members of the defunct dischord band faraquet. anyway, on a whim i invited them to play Rock-n-Romp this summer, not really expecting to hear back from a band on a famous record label that just got finished TOURING JAPAN. but i've been getting some flakiness from bands this year, so thought 'what the hell?' what the hell, indeed! while i think it will be totally awesome if they are able to play, i'm not going to hold my breath. i've learned from past experience that, while their intentions are good in wanting to play, big names always have something bigger going on. but i am happy to know that there are somewhat famous musicians who think the idea of playing Rock-n-Romp is great, and take the time to say so. so now i will wait and hope it works out. maybe they can play with eyeball skeleton! hee!

ps--greg, are you reading this?? thanks for the suggestion.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005


in looking at my recent entries it has become clear to me that i use exclamation points excessively!

way! too! much!

i'm going to work on that.

i'm not alone!

i've been putting off writing something about my latest obsession because, well, it's a little embarrassing. okay, i'll just say it: i am addicted to gilmore girls. before tivo, i'd seen a few episodes and enjoyed them, but never had the chance to watch it regularly. shit, before tivo i never got to watch anything regularly. but now! now, tivo, my enabler, has allowed me to watch all the gilmore girls i can stand! and, believe me, that's a LOT! first, i get to watch the current season's episodes, tuesdays at 8 on the WB. then i get to watch the reruns (shown in chronological order), daily at 5 on ABC family channel. THEN, ABC family channel has 3-episode marathons, saturdays at 7! yes, i watch them all. unless i'm going out, i tend to watch the marathons in realtime. dave really loves that. heh. now the fact that all of these episodes are from different seasons is of no importance to me. i like seeing what happened in the 3rd season that now causes tension between certain characters in the 5th season! old boyfriends and fiances, business ventures, family strife, graduations, weddings, babies -- i want to see it all! i just recently watched the episodes guest starring grant lee phillips as a wandering troubadour -- i believe from the first or second season. i may be a dork, but i think this is cool! actually, most all of the music featured on the show is cool. i guess that's part of the reason i like it, but it's still a little embarrassing to admit i'm addicted to a WB show. isn't the WB for freakin' teenagers?? fans of dawson's creek and that superman-when-he-was-a-teenager show??

just when i'm feeling hopelessly dorky, in comes the fab BUST magazine to make me feel like less of a dork. in the current issue, wendy mcclure waxes poetic on what she feels gilmore girls is really all about:

" that the show's in its fifth season, I'm convinced that Gilmore Girls is really all about what goes on in our own heads. Our heads -- us Women Who Know Too Much About Too Many Things, from Advanced Placement English to the lineups of obscure New Wave bands."

yes! YES! that is it, exactly! all the pop-culture references, rock trivia, random guest appearances by sebastian bach, norman mailer and the shins! these are things that DO pop into my head! and the characters are all goofy and neurotic -- just like me! ah, sweet validation. thank you, wendy.

so the rest of the article is pretty damn funny, but maybe only if you watch gilmore girls? actually, no. i think if you haven't watched the show, this article just might pique your interest. go get BUST! then we can call each other when the show is on and analyze every scene! heh.

if it helps me look any less dorky, you should know i'm also addicted to the west wing! that's not something to be embarrassed about, right??

Monday, March 28, 2005

it's a small world after all!

in yet another "god, it's such a small world!" episode in my life, i have just reconnected with someone i knew in high school. these episodes never fail to freak me out, because they drive home the point that life is so fucking random, and i don't like that. my OCD does not like that. but i DO like finding out that someone i used to know is still very cool and talented! so here's how it happened:

my fab friends jonas and leslie gave nate some awesome board books for his birthday -- they're really cute and funky! i noticed that the author/artist's name looked familar, but didn't really think anything of it until a few days ago, when we were looking at them again. first of all, it's not a common name, so i didn't think it would be impossible that it might be the person i thought it was. wow, did that make sense? anyway, google to the rescue! it turns out that he has a website and mentions that he went to BYU. okay. now, that's more than a coincidence. the dude i knew was a mormon! and i remember he liked to draw! at least, he did when we were sufffering through driver's ed together. he was a pretty quiet guy, but i remember thinking that he was cute in a skinny skater-kind of way. we weren't close, but i knew he was way cooler than all the other idiots in that class. and then he was gone! i remember he moved somewhere REALLY far away -- i want to say new zealand or something like that. you know, i may have even had a crush on him, though it's hard to remember 20 fucking years ago! oh my god, i learned to drive 20 years ago. no wonder i'm such an awesome driver. heh.

today i mustered up the courage to email him. i don't know why i had reservations about it -- i mean, what's the worse that could happen? it's not him. no big deal. but it seems kind of stalkerish for some reason. like i'm some delusional fan or something! well, no need to worry. his reply:

Hey funny person.

I remember Garfield but I barely remember 10th grade gym class. And I am embarrassed to say that any Debbie ***s are a faded memory. But if I were to take a guess . . (the morrissey comment sparked a memory, albeit most likely false) . . were you like an alternative person? dark hair? somewhat asian in appearance? did I lend you my Thrasher magazine so you could read an article about The Cure?

If the answer is yes to these questions then I actually do remember a Debbie ***.

Anyway I'd be interested to know. I am very glad you wrote as it is such an odd experience to hear a voice out of the past. Maybe send me a teenage photo or something for my brain works only in visual mode, that would be cool.

(the mormon that wore Kiss t-shirts)
(oh, yeah, and if you received the "seasonal" "one word a page" books I do have another book coming out April 1st called Slide Already! it is ultracool and you should run immediately to your nearest bookseller to purchase multiple copies)

ha! funny, huh? i love the "alternative" part. heh. it's still pretty bizarre how all that came about, but i am glad it did. now it makes me wonder what happened to all those other cool kids from high school!

i'm such a blogging moron!

so this whole blogging thing is funny to me. let me tell you, i am in no way a computer-savvy person. trying to figure out anything more technologically advanced than a digital alarm clock gives me a headache. i am SO not kidding. while i like to think of it as one of my quirky charms, dave likes to think that it's my way of torturing him and making him deal with anything attached to a plug. heh. but he knows how backward i am when it comes to the digital age! when dave and i met he asked for my email and i wasn't even embarrassed to admit that i didn't have one. i didn't have a computer, either! so my point is, it's funny how i have become part of this blogworld. i feel so out of the loop reading all these other blogs i never would've known about! like, where the hell have i been??

i just got around to figuring out how to add links to my lovely blog. oh my god, i swear html is the devil's work! heh. they're over there to the right. some of them are my friends, and some of them i found through my friends. my OCD dictates that i check these on a regular basis, and i am more than happy to oblige -- these people write some funny, brilliant shit! now i've noticed that some blogs have a really LONG list of links to other blogs, but i'm not ready to commit to so many. as much as i try not to, i find myself becoming emotionally attached to some of these blogs, and it's a little strange. i dunno. these people don't know me from adam, but i sure do enjoy reading what's on their minds. the problem is it makes me want to know them -- like really know them. that's the one thing i haven't been able to resolve about computers -- too impersonal! my one experience with a message board got me organizing ways to meet people face-to-face! that actually turned out swimmingly, and i now have many cool friends because of it, but i'm not so sure other bloggers would necessarily want to hang out with me. not to mention the fact that my favorite blogger could live halfway across the world! *sigh* good thing she lives in baltimore. heh.

now one thing i didn't expect to learn about blogging is how many people are anti-blog. i had an online discussion about it and people were like, "i hate blogs because the people writing them are so self-absorbed." what the fuck? so what?? am i being self-absorbed because i write about things that have to do with me and what i think? fine. if you say so. but i'm certainly not twisting anyone's arm to read about my fabulous life and philosophies, you know?? shit. okay, i've got to let it go... i just fine that attitude surprising. and WRONG. heh.

i am happy i have found the world of blogging. it gives me a space to say what i want, and the time i use to blog is often the only time i have to myself. now i may be hostile sometimes, and i may be silly other times, but i am always being me. i'm writing to share, not to preach or for some ego-boost. you can like it or not. as my dear friend sweetney had to make clear recently: read at your own risk.


ps--please forgive that i'm a horrible editor--some of this was added after originally posted. oh, who am i kidding?? it's not like anyone's reading this self-absorbed crap! heh.

Friday, March 25, 2005

what's worse than being sick?

worse than feeling like utter crap? worse than knowing that the reason i feel like utter crap is because my filthy nephews are so damn FILTHY? worse than having to squelch my innate desire to curl up in a ball on the couch in my pajamas and watch really bad television until i feel better because i have two children to take care of, and they REFUSE to watch a marathon of E! True Hollywood Story??? i'll tell you what's worse: knowing that no matter how much i disinfect, wash my hands until they crack and bleed, do everything to contain my germs short of wear a surgical mask, natey WILL get sick. and he WILL be miserable. and this weekend WILL be fucked. DAMN IT ALL. why is it always on the weekend??

hell hath no fury like a sick baby.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

this terry schiavo business

i've been reading a lot and hearing a lot about it -- how can you not? --and i just have two words for you: ADVANCE DIRECTIVE. get one. i know it's hard to imagine that you could be involved in this kind of mess, but it's best to be prepared.

one more thing: on the whole religious tip, i just don't see how terry schiavo's soul could be in jeopardy here. i am NOT religious AT ALL, but i don't understand the family's argument that letting her die will damn her soul? what kind of a god is this??

just kill me now

not only have i contracted whatever filthy virus the nephews hacked up all over the house, but jack starts spring break today and is bouncing off the walls and generally getting on my fucking nerves. not to mention the fact that i am now listening to the incessant wailing of a one year old who doesn't want to take a nap but needs to and WILL, god dammit! ugh.

now playing

tim keegan & departure lounge - (we've got) everything we need

off the lovely album "out of here". i feel like shit and it's making me feel slightly better. what an endorsement!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

why i will never grow up

because i can't stop myself from laughing when jack repeats something i've said but inserts "peepee" or "poopoo" in place of the verb. oh, to be 4 and get away with that kind of inanity.

but it's worthy of pride that he uses verbs properly, right?? heh.

with or without you, part deux

dave didn't like my posting that i would abandon him to visit ireland. is it really so wrong to want to get away, even if it's by myself?? hmph!

it looks like chris can stay with the boys after all, so no harm, no foul.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

with or without you

my oldest friend lucia made it to natey's party this weekend. i have known her 20 years. 20 years! she's my oldest friend, for sure. it was really good to see her because we don't see much of each other anymore. before jack was born we were practically living across the street from each other in now hipper-than-thou logan circle. but after the baby came, well, she and her husband kept living their newlywed, child-free existence while we became the parents-who-can-talk-of-nothing-but-the-baby. plus, we loaded up the truck and moved to suburbia after one too many run-ins with crazy homeless men while pushing the stroller down 14th street, so the distance didn't make it any easier to hang out.

after chatting for a while and catching up, lucia mentions that she and mike are taking a trip to ireland this summer and have tickets to see U2 in dublin. i've always wanted to go to ireland! the U2 i could do without -- i kinda got over them after achtung baby, but i do still enjoy the occasional spin of unforgettable fire or under a blood red sky -- but to see the lush rolling green hills of the irish countryside?? *sigh* that would be lovely.

"well, you guys should come with. we've got 2 extra tickets to see U2, and you could stay in the apartment for free. we're heading to amsterdam for a coupla days, too, but if you didn't want to go there the apartment will still be available."

"really?? god, i could SO use a vacation. and to ireland! hmmm...."

at that moment i knew i wanted to go, it was just a matter of what to do with the kids. and dave's starting a new job, but maybe he can take a week of vacation if he told them upfront? normally i'd ask my mom to come and take care of the boys, but she's getting a little too old to deal with them for a whole week. after a couple of days, she gets pretty exhausted. unfortunately she's the only person locally we could even ask! dave's sister in san diego said she may be able to come out, but isn't sure yet about the dates. i also think she's a little hesitant to be so close to her mother in charlotte, who will most likely want to come up if she finds out chris will be here! so we wait....

am i horrible for telling dave that i will be going whether he comes or not? if the chris thing doesn't work out, my mom could take care of the boys during the day until dave gets home from work. and i know i could get a friend interested in joining me, though i definitely don't mind going solo if i have to. i need a vacation, people! i'd love to take one with you, dave, but to quote bono, "with or without you...."

dear brother-in-law

i've been meaning to write this since you left 2 days ago, but i'm just now catching my breath from all the weekend's activities. it certainly was nice of you to travel 7+ hours in the minivan from charlotte with uber-religious-wife-who-doesn't-speak, almost-9-year-old-who-just-learned-to-tie-his-shoes and almost-5-year-old-who-still-wants-to-be-carried-around-like-a-baby-and-you-DO-IT for natey's first birthday party. i wish i could say i enjoyed the visit, but who are we kidding here? your brother thinks i'm kidding, but i am not. becuase of what transpired this past weekend, you are never allowed in this house again. in all honesty, you are the only one that i actually would allow in the house, but uber-religious-wife, almost-9-and-picks-his-nose and almost-5-and-looks-like-a-malnourished-2-year-old? uh-uh. i've seen some fucked up families in my time, but yours has got to be the most fucked. and the worst part is, you and uber-religious-wife have done this! your kids are maniacs and it is YOUR FAULT.

i know you've been parents longer than me, and that fact kinda makes me pause and wonder if i'm overreacting but, no. NO. after this weekend, i know i am right. since i became a parent the welfare of all children has taken on a new importance for me. before jack was born it was easy to ignore the out-of-control kid at the grocery store or the kid who's eating a doughnut for lunch while his family eats real food because he doesn't like what they're eating, but now it bothers me. it bothers me because these kids are the product of bad parenting. parenting is about taking the reins and guiding your children. parenting is about discipline. of course, parenting is also about unconditional love and having fun and all those good things, too, but you have to make all these things work together. it's not easy, but you do it because your children will be better people for it. you do not understand this. and it fucking INFURIATES me.

the thing that pissed me off the most this weekend is your sons' inability to sit down and eat. what's so fucking hard about sitting at the table and eating a meal??? first, looks-like-a-malnourished-2-year-old wants to stand on his chair and pouts when i tell him that chairs are for sitting not standing. then picks-his-nose is sitting at the table hacking up his lungs and rubbing his nose with his hands before dinner is served, and only goes to wash his hands after i tell jack that it's time to wash his hands, and maybe he should go wash his hands, too. so i serve cheese pizza, because what kid isn't going to eat cheese pizza, and i know what pathetic eaters your kids are. well, your boys proved me wrong. looks-like-a-malnourished-2-year-old took maybe 2 bites and kept getting up and walking around the table to try and climb in your lap, which you allowed. picks-his-nose ate about half a slice and drained his orange juice which we never should have allowed him to have, because jack didn't understand why he was given milk, even though that is what we always serve him with dinner. so your boys decide they're done, which they clearly are not because there is a full plate of food in front of both of them, and get up to wander around and play with the baby toys in the next room. gee, i wonder what jack is going to think of all this?

"mom, i'm done."

"no jack, you're not. you need to finish your pizza and then you can get down."

"no! i'm DONE." [starts crying]

"honey, no. we eat all our dinner, right? just because they're done, doesn't mean you are."

"NO! please mommy, i'm done!" [loud crying, yanking away from me, trying to get away from the table]

"jack, no! you know that if you don't eat you are not getting any dessert tonight, and you're not going to eat anything until breakfast. sit down. [your asshole boys are sitting in the living room looking at us and continuing to play] look guys, you are distracting those of us who are still eating. if you're not going to sit at the table and finish, go upstairs!"

"mommy, i want to play! i'm done!" [crying, crying, more crying. i take him into the office]

"jack honey, you need to eat. we always have to eat all of our food, no matter what anyone else is doing. DAVID. get in here!"

so it goes on like this for a few minutes. i am so fucking mad, i'm bitching at dave in a crazy whisper but half-hope you can hear me. dave goes upstairs and asks your boys to come down and sit at the table because that is the only way jack will sit down and finish his dinner. miraculously, they come down. i am so pissed i have to stay in the office for a while to calm down. so, what's the problem here? do you even see a problem?? through this entire episode, you and your asshole wife just sat there. you said NOTHING. did NOTHING. even when the boys came back to the table and you had the opportunity to say, "hey guys, it's rude to leave the table while others are still eating, and you should ask permission first. plus, jack is younger than you so you need to set an example." HA. in my fucking dreams would you say something like that. at least you were smart enough to get them the fuck out of here and back to the hotel after dinner. i'm sure they much preferred their dinner of vending machine chips, cookies and pop, anyway.

so this goes WAY beyond this incident. your kids are nightmares. they are socially retarded, have NO manners and eat like, god i don't know what they eat like! they don't eat. when i first met them you would let them eat all kinds of shit -- pudding for breakfast, doughnuts for lunch, chocolate chip pancakes for dinner -- and they wouldn't even finish it! laughably, uber-religious-wife has gotten on some organic food kick, which your mother swears is working because now they don't get to eat junk, but it looks to me like they just don't eat period. oh, unless you're on vacation, i guess? they ate plenty of crap while you were here, all of which you provided for them. how does it make you feel to know that your kids look sick? i'm not joking about them looking malnourished. i think they ARE malnourished. and it's because you don't want to be the bad guy and take away all the shit they love and make them eat what is good for them. you don't want to MAKE them sit at the damn table. they have no manners because you let them pick their noses and don't make them wash their hands and never taught them how to say "please" and "thank you". they don't even say "hello" when we haven't seeen them for months! ugh. i used to think all these things could be blamed on uber-religious-wife's homeschooling methods, but now i'm not so sure. the fact that they're socially retarded is most definitely a result of the homeschooling, but all this other shit is just bad parenting. YOUR bad parenting. i'm no childrearing expert, but being with your kids has made me so incredibly proud of jack.

so, enough reaming you a new asshole. your family refuses to tell you any of this stuff. they say you are stubborn and saying something will just result in bad feelings. fine. if you were my brother i wouldn't think twice about talking to you, but since you are just my in-law, i will handle this differently. i am not kidding when i say your family is not welcome at our home. if you suggest coming to visit i will make up any excuse to prevent it. we will not be coming to visit you, either. maybe when jack is older and less impressionable, but certainly not anytime soon. who knows, maybe your kids will change as they get older, but i don't see that happening without your intervention. i hope you realize this before it's too late.

so let me end this on a positive note and say thank you. thank you for coming up for nate's first birthday. but, most of all, thank you for showing me what a good job we're doing raising jack. natey is sure to follow in his footsteps.

all the best,
your sister-in-law

Monday, March 21, 2005

a year in the life of nate

it seems like i never have time to go through all the pictures, so i did a little retrospective below to commemorate natey's first year. he's a handsome one, ain't he?

it's my party and i'll cry if i want to! especially if my damn mother lets me burn my fingers on the candle!

whew! one year down. uh-oh. can't. resist. fire.


me and my pardner liam hanging out.

what do you mean i can't get in the oven? it's not like you ever use it!

cute naked baby.

look, cheerios just aren't that good, okay? quit forcing them on me!

in baby lockdown. AGAIN. i guess it's better than jamming my fingers in electrical sockets.

i'm standing! and playing a mean toy piano, if i do say so myself.

did you really think taking a decent picture of 2 kids was going to be easy?? HA.

ARRR! i dare ye to find a cuter pirate!

yeah, eating is okay, i guess.

oh my god, i want to eat you.

that's a damn big caterpillar!

my two babies!

i'm at a loss for what to put in the caption! *sniff* these are my two boys! so cute.

one day old.

Friday, March 18, 2005

one year down

dear natey,

you are one year old today. ONE! i can't believe it. it's been a short year but i can't remember what life was like before you. i can't imagine it now without you. when you entered the world one year ago you made our family complete in ways i couldn't understand until you were actually here. i mean, i didn't really know how the whole two kid thing was going to play out, you know? the fear of sibling rivalry and not enough attention and not enough love and not enough time--just not enough for anyone, your dad and myself included. but it's kind of funny how you've seamlessly integrated yourself into our craziness. you are one of us now. and i think you like it. at least, i hope so. you're one of the crazy lees now--better get used to it!

you have done so much this past year, it's hard to single out all the milestones. i remember marveling at your rolling over at 2 months, and then wishing you'd just STOP with the rolling all the time! a 2 month old rolling over is just not natural! or maybe it's just we expected you to be on the same developmental track as your big brother. but no, that is definitely not the case. AT ALL. let's see, jack sat up and crawled at 6 months, you at 8 months. jack's first tooth came at 8 months, yours at 6 months. jack loved to eat real food early, even with no teeth! you've got 8 teeth right now and gag on most everything with texture. jack was so cautious about everything we barely had to babyproof! you are a little daredevil, afraid of nothing. i know, i know. you've got to be sick of getting compared to your brother, but i'm afraid that's going to be a recurring theme in your life. it's nothing personal. it just amazes me that i gave life to two individuals. i don't know why, really. i didn't expect you to be a carbon-copy of jack, but i guess since jack was the only experience with a baby i had to draw on, i expected some similarities. but now that i know you are developmentally and temperamentally nothing like jack, i think it's pretty cool. you are your own little man! you make your wants and needs very clearly known, yet you don't really cry very much. you prefer to whine, which is only slightly better. i won't get into how excruciating it can be--let's just say it'll be a relief when you can talk. you like to be naked and stretch your penis like a rubberband--a very LONG rubberband. no, really, you like it. why else would you laugh and scream and kick your legs while you're doing it? man, who knew that having two sons would teach me so much about penises?? you like to dance and wave your arms around when you hear a good beat, but the best part is you scrunch up your face and smile a big closed-eyes smile that melts my heart. these are all things that will always be natey things to me. just remember that you are no better or worse than jack, just different. and different is good. i love you for being uniquely you.

one of the things that makes me laugh pretty much daily is your ability to play the straight man. you are the dean martin to jack's jerry lewis, the abbott to his costello. (heh, by the time you read this you will definitely have no idea who the hell i'm talking about, but just go with it, okay? ask me and i'll try to come up with a more current comparison.) oh, you have your crazy, spastic moments where you get silly and bounce around and squeal and laugh, but i'm talking about the times when jack is doing his goofy voices and dancing and spazzing out and all in your face. at those times you look at him with a totally deadpan expression and, if he's close enough, you smack his face or (your new favorite) try to dig his eyes out. at the risk of sounding like a horrible mother, it's pretty damn hilarious. it probably sounds crazy, because you are only one after all, but it's at those moments when i'm laughing at how you interact with jack that i feel so proud of you. you don't take shit! it's kind of like watching an old man dealing with an annoying little kid. most anyone else would try to ignore the annoyance, but you tackle it head-on and let him know it's time to get the hell out of your face. heh. to steal from johnny rotten, you know what you want and you know how to get it. awesome.

this year so many wonderful things are going to happen, i'm really looking forward to it! you're going to start walking soon, and i know jack can't wait for that. since the day you were born he's been ready to show you the world. well, the world as he knows it, anyway. it's so sweet how much he loves you and wants to play with you. i think it's important you know that, because i know how siblings can grow apart when they get older. right now he wants to hug and kiss you and show you how to do things. he tends to be a little bossy, but he's always looking out for you. and he's getting better at sharing his toys with you, which is pretty major--his toys are his life! heh. so no matter how close or distant you become, remember that when you were one, jack had your back.

so, my beautiful baby boy, one year down, many fun-filled ones to come. they're going to be as amazing as you are, i can just tell. you and your brother have filled my life with a happiness i never knew existed. thank you for being that final puzzle piece that makes my life complete.


now playing

the replacements - can't hardly wait

it is fucking GORGEOUS outside, and i like this song. good enough.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

this fucking freaks me out

thanks to julie for sending dave this link to sex offenders registered in maryland. these assholes live in my neighborhood. MY neighborhood!


i wonder if it's illegal to print out flyers with their pictures on them and hang them on our street.

Monday, March 14, 2005

now playing

pailhead - i will refuse

in honor of my lameness at not getting out to see the evens play friday, i have dug out this odd little ministry/mackaye side project to reminisce about the days when nothing would keep me from seeing a show. especially one that started at 7 fucking o'clock! this song is still as awesome as i thought it was 17 years ago. holy christ, i graduated from high school 17 years ago. yikes.

i wonder what would ian think about wal-mart selling his cd?? heh.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

should i be scared?

today dave tried out Gizoogle after seeing the post article about it. that snoop dogg! what'll that crazy kid do next?? heh. anyway, he gizoogled nate's name and came up with a blog! now natey, i don't mind if you're a nerd, but i hope when you grow up you can come up with something a little more interesting to write about than flat files and XML. i dunno, some drinking-til-you-puked stories or something! never forget where you came from! hee.

i cheated

let me first start by saying i can't believe i've stuck to the diet for 4 days! but i think i'm being a little too rigid, and possibly not eating enough. and my fucking period is killing me! seriously, it's an incredible struggle to not consume mass quantities of food during this time of the month. so i cheated. i'm crampy and cranky and we're out with the boys and it's dinnertime. go home and make a salad or get a yummy-nummy, convenient and freshly prepared burrito??? hmmm. please! like i even had to think 2 seconds about it! i'm such a sucker for guacamole. it probably would've been okay if i'd foregone the cheese and sour cream and didn't eat the whole HUGE thing, but i say fuck it. and what's with the whole burrito bol thing? is a tortilla really that evil? as i'm sure you can guess, i did the burrito old-school, and ate every bit of the floury tortilla goodness. *sigh* carbs are my weakness.

okay, i gotta get back into the diet mindset! tomorrow's another day. i can do this. food is for the weak. heh.

mother's little helper

who knew mick jagger had a clue?? it IS a drag getting old! now i haven't resorted to any little yellow pills, but i'm not opposed to the idea! heh. okay, if you don't know the song i'm talking about, well, you're too young. nyah!

last night i committed the ultimate act of old ladyhood. i was supposed to meet my friend kim at her house to go see maritime's show at the black cat. i was looking forward to seeing maritime play, as well as see kim, because we hadn't hung out in a while. well, after dinner it all went downhill. kids were in bed and i was vegging out on the couch until it was time to go. the damn couchtime was my undoing! i started to feel lazy and pms-y and in no mood to hang out in a smoky little room for a coupla hours. i knew it was a totally lame move, but i decided i didn't want to go. thankfully kim was all too understanding. i called her, "hey kim, i know i'm totally lame, but i'm not gonna make it tonight. i'm in pms mode and it's so fucking cold outside!" "aw, it's cool. believe me, if i didn't have to be there i wouldn't go either. is IS cold! now i'm trying to decide what jacket i should wear, because it's going to smell like cigarettes." "ha! oh god, i HATE that!" "i know! god, we're getting old." etc. etc.

i like to think i'm the cool mom who can still "hang" with my single and/or childless friends. i'd even say that of all the mom friends i have, i go out more than any of them. i have to! i miss seeing people, and i'm not ready to sacrifice that part of my life. it is MY time to do what I want. i need that. i've definitely gone through phases where i like to stay home and be a couch potato, but the majority of my life i have been the kind of person who likes to be on the move. go go go! heh. i wish i'd felt like go-go-going last night, but maybe the need to keep moving is waning.

yeah, feeling old today. but i truly believe that i enjoyed my beloved west wing more than i would've liked standing in a smoky room watching a band play. sorry, maritime. maybe next time.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

i really shouldn't be excited about such things

i just got an email with the subject "The Next Harry Potter Cover Is Revealed". whee! behold Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

for the record, i am excited about the book coming out, NOT the cover. heh. i may be geeky, but i'm not that geeky.

diet revelations, volume 1

okay kids, bear with me. i know diet talk may not be too exciting but my OCD has made all this calorie-counting priority number one! heh. and i wonder how jack got his OCD tendencies. i'm sure the list of diet discoveries will grow, but what i've learned so far:

1) Splenda tastes like ASS. seriously, "made from sugar, so it tastes like sugar"??? bullshit. it tastes like sugar if sugar had a creepy chemical aftertaste that makes you want to suck on a lemon to get rid of it. i'll take my 16 calorie teaspoon of real sugar, thank you.

2) a dollop of half-and-half in my coffee tastes a BILLION times better than a dollop of skim milk. *sniff* oh, full-fat dairy, how i'll miss you...

3) i always thought eating Kashi cereal would be like eating rocks and sticks. if you eat the raisin variety it's not too bad--like eating twigs and, uhh, raisins. and boy does that fiber expand in your gut!

4) Boca lasagna is awesome. i'm not a vegetarian, but i am a pasta addict. this shit ROCKS.

5) starting your period while on a diet sucks beyond belief. the bloating fucks with you because you're not sure if it's really bloat or belly blubber! bah. and of course, there's the evil chocolate craving. i will NOT be tempted!!!

i'm wondering if i should get a scale. i'm afraid of the obsessive-compulsive weighing that will surely take place! i think that just trying on my old jeans over and over until they fit will be good enough. we'll see.

Monday, March 07, 2005

today it's wonder twins

shape of an obsessive-compulsive 4 year old!

who knows what it'll be tomorrow. jack has developed this habit of talking about halloween costumes, oh, every freakin' day! he's been enjoying a bunch of old-school Superfriends episodes i tivoed for him, so today it was, "for halloween this year we can be the wonder twins, mommy. you be the girl and i'll be the boy." "okay, but i think i want to be the boy and you be the girl." "no way!", followed by maniacal laughter. god, i do love his laugh. i have to remind him that halloween is a long way away, so i think that encourages him to think of as many costumes as he can. dude, let it go! i'm sure once october rolls around he'll be back to the standard power ranger or spiderman, UNLESS i can convince him to wear the costume i've been dreaming of: dave dressed like mr. rourke and jack dressed like tattoo! now you know that would be fucking funny! heh.

i think that clingy wonder twin get-up is good inspiration for the diet, eh?

operation lose 20 pounds or else!

it's official, kids! today is the first day of my diet. it is a well-known fact that i am totally undisciplined, disorganized and lack willpower -- a perfect diet-failure candidate -- so the fact that i'm even attempting this is pretty miraculous. if i didn't have drawers full of cute clothes that didn't fit, i probably wouldn't bother, so much do i hate the idea of monitoring what i eat. but i hate what this second pregnancy has done to my body more! can you say spare tire?? ugh. and let's not even talk about my boobs! alas, breastfeeding was not kind to them. and what about my ass?? i have to admit, i used to have a pretty cute ass! but now it's, i dunno, different. like flat? or maybe it's just that the rest of me looks different, which makes my ass look different? whatever it is, i don't like it! *shudder* i want to wear my old clothes, not reinvent myself. i think i can do this.

ps--props to tim and jenn who inspired me after i saw how incredible they look after going on the south beach diet.


i'm a cowboy, bay-bee!

i'm not really sure what jack's doing with his face. i *think* he's trying to wink. i dunno. heh. funny boy.

Friday, March 04, 2005

now playing (in my head)

dave chappelle (as r. kelly) - piss on you

i can't get it out of my head!!! if you haven't seen the dave chappelle show, you must find a way! before tivo, i'd only seen a few episodes, but now i get to see them all! i laugh my ass off at every episode. so this "piss on you" song, is a parody of an r. kelly song (which i've never heard) and satirizes mr. kelly's proclivity for urinating on underage girls. come to think of it, i don't think i know *any* r. kelly songs. anyway, the video is hilarious, but i could only find the audio. fucking hilarious.

i wanna piss on you
drip drip drip

bahahahahaha! yes, we're going to be that family that laughs at ALL bodily functions.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

now playing

edie sedgwick - molly ringwald

another fabulous freebie from desoto! this is on edie sedgwick's new cd, "her love is real...but she is not". have you heard edie? i have to say, it took me a few listens to appreciate the genius of the songs, but there are definitely some awesome tracks worthy of booty-shaking! still, the genius of some of the songs, um, goes over my head? i dunno. they're a little too noisy for me, but i'm no rock critic. i'm sure someone out there is creaming over every minute of this album! and i *do* recommend it if you're looking for something fun and funky and different. i like that ms. sedgwick's vocals remind me of daniel ash in love and rockets.

the no cussing around the kids thing?

it's SO not working. i actually think i'm getting worse, like i've just developed fucking tourette's or something! oh, i've tried to come up with code like saying "eff that!" or "mofo" or calling someone a "bee" instead of bitch, but that's really not working either. and, i'll admit, not much better than saying the words themselves. today jack said, "baby starts with a B, and it's what my mom calls me sometimes, too." now i have to say, i don't remember EVER calling jack a bee (bitch)! maybe i said, "jack, quit acting like a little bee!", or something along those lines. oh my god, i am so going to hell.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

on today's menu

2 cups coffee
1 glass water
1 slice oatmeal bread topped with white chocolate wonderful
1 container stonyfield farm all natural fat free chocolate underground yogurt

huh. i wonder if my period's coming.

ps--that white chocolate peanut butter shit ROCKS! you can get it at whole foods. the yogurt is pretty damn good for fat free, but it's *fat free*, y'know? it works when i'm trying to make myself feel better for being a fucking PIG, though.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

a tale of two penises

i found out about this bill proposal to outlaw circumcision from my friend pamela. ay-yi-yi, like i don't have enough to feel guilty about?? while i agree that it's not a necessary procedure, i don't buy that having it done will negatively affect a newborn's developing brain! or that it will cause them psychological trauma that will affect them when they grow up! *sigh* i feel like i'm making excuses, which is not what i'm trying to do, so let me just tell you my story:

when we found out we were having our first boy, i didn't really know anything about circumcision, but in talking about it with dave and from the few articles i'd read i felt that having jack circumcised was the way to go. i mean, i didn't have any strong feelings about whether or not to do it, and it seemed to make sense for us -- dave's circumcised, i'd never been with anyone uncircumcised, and it's been routinely done for i don't know how many years (but i know it's a lot) -- so the decision just kinda fell into place. little did i know how i'd feel about it when the time came...

jack was born healthy and cute and chubby -- he was so big he looked like he was already 3 months old! well, when you check into the hospital they have you fill out all the admission forms and, if you know you're having a boy, a form that states you want your son to have a circumcision. i didn't think twice about it. but after he was born, and i had held him in my arms and kissed him and breathed in his yummy baby scent (*after* they had bathed him, of course), the mama bear instinct kicked in fast and furiously! they came waving that form to take him to have the circumcision and my stomach dropped -- i didn't want my baby to hurt! at that point, it wasn't a matter of whether circumcision was right or wrong, it was just the fierce instinct to protect my son from harm. if you haven't held a newborn in your arms, it's hard to explain. i mean, they can't do *anything*. they are so completely helpless and defenseless, you can't help but want to take care of them. as the nurse started to wheel his little bassinet away i asked, "what about anesthesia?" "oh, we don't do anesthesia for this procedure. we feel that it's really not that effective, and needlessly painful for the baby because it would be an injection. don't worry, it happens so fast! he'll be just fine." "oh. okay...." my heart sank as they left the room, but i did nothing. again, it wasn't that i was unsure about circumcision, i was concerned about the pain, and she *said* it would be fine, right?? right.

well, it went without a hitch. jack came back totally conked out and the nurse said he barely peeped while having it done. i wanted to believe her, so i did. i mean, newborns are barely awake as it is, so it's *possible* that he was groggy and it happened so fast that it didn't really register, right?? whatever happened, jack and i were deemed healthy and ready to go home the next day. all's well that ends well. dave stayed home for a while and we basked in the glory of our new family. but after dave went back to work my lonely mommyness kicked in and i had to find solace in the world of too much information, the evil internet!!!

it must've been the now defunct hipmama chatboard where i discovered a whole anti-circumcision movement -- it's painful! unnecessary! circumcised babies cry more! they don't sleep well! these lovely nuggets of information prompted me to google all the anti-circumcision propaganda i could find! big mistake. all i could think was, "holy shit. what have i done??" jack *does* seem to cry a lot, nevermind the fact that he's a fucking BABY, and that's what babies do. and he's definitely a crappy sleeper! it's MY fault! wah!!! how could i do this to my baby?! i'm a horrible mother!!! now you non-parents out there, the guilt of a newborn parent is something that can't really be explained. it is so overwhelming and powerful to know that you are totally responsible for your child's well-being, you can't help but feel a little out-of-control! you're wracked with feelings of self-doubt and incompetence (for the first-timers, anyway), and you feel like the choices you make are so crucial, even if it's something as trivial as what kind of wipe to use on your kid's ass! but i digress.

jack had a rough 6 weeks or so, but that is totally normal for *all* babies. he was happy, hardly cried at all, and finally got into a decent sleeping routine when he was 4 or 5 months old, yet i still carried that guilt over the circumcision! i couldn't justify it. i know it was so easy for me to decide that it was okay, but i was an idiot. so what if everyone does it? it *has* to be painful -- you're cutting off a big chunk of skin! and if foreskin is so unclean why are males born with it? it *has* to have a function. and i know there are studies that show your chances of contracting STDs are higher if you are uncircumcised, but that just doesn't seem relevant these days. no son of *mine* is gonna bump uglies without a condom! heh. i can't believe i just said "bump uglies". i swear i've never said that in my life. it just sounded more appropriate than "fuck". heh.

so the second penis in this story is nate's. he is 100% au naturel. i had a little anxiety about how to explain to the boys why jack's penis looks one way and nate's another, but that wasn't going to affect my decision to not have him circumcised. i doubt it will even be much of an issue, but i *am* looking forward to the inevitable "no, YOUR penis looks weird!" arguments. heh. it's so much nicer to find the humor in things than feel guilty about them. i just have to remember that there are two sides to every story, and, for fuck's sake, to STOP researching parenting issues on the internet!

i don't know about outlawing circumcision -- to call it "mutilation" seems a bit much. but then again, if it *wasn't* an accepted practice and someone all of a sudden started pushing it on newborns without any good reason to do it? that changes things, hmm? ultimately, i think it's the medical community's responsibility to discourage circumcision. if you can't tell me why it's absolutely medically necessary to cut off my son's foreskin, then you need to tell me not to do it. i hate that doctors are seen as these omniscient beings, but i am totally guilty of following my pediatrician's advice to the letter. now, i LOVE our pediatrician and totally trust his advice, but i've met those doctors who pussyfoot around shit and tell you what you want to hear instead of taking a firm position on something that they don't consider to be serious. huh. maybe outlawing circumcisions is not such a bad idea after all.

now playing

james kochalka superstar - hockey monkey

best. monkey. song. EVER. heh. this song is on the greasy kid stuff compilation, which has some excellent stuff on it. we've had it for a coupla years now, and it's still in heavy rotation at our house.

and it's 1 -2 -3
the kids love the monkey
and it's 4 - 5 - 6
the monkey's got a hockey stick
7 -8 - 9
having a good time

2 hours late???

don't those montgomery county fuckers know that getting jack to school at 10:30 is going to be hell because natey will be taking a nap??? bastards.

on a positive note, the trees look quite lovely covered in snow.

so the taking jack to school 2 hours late/natey nap thing didn't work out so well. i woke up today determined to get jack THE HELL OUT OF THIS HOUSE after having him here the last 3 snowdays, but alas, the sanctity of nate's nap schedule prevailed. ugh. still, i'd say having a spastic preschooler around all day vs. dealing with a cranky, bitchy baby who hasn't had a good nap is the lesser of two evils.